How do you hire a caregiver to come into your parent's home when they don't want the help, but they need it?

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my dad is in the hospital and is having surgery tomorrow. My mom has dementia and has been staying alone. She needs someone to be with her but is so much against anyone helping her that I am afraid of how she will react to a stranger being in their home not to mention when I tell her how expensive it is going to be. I am so alone in the decision making and really don't know what to do. If anything happens to her I will never forgive myself. What do I do?

Answers 1 to 10 of 17
Top Answer
If you are their primary caregiver it is up to you to make this decision....it is for their health. (Do you have their POA?) Who will care for your father after he returns home?
Several years ago, my Mom objected when I tried to hire a caregiver for a few hours a week....she wanted me to do everything for her and I was exhausted. I found a really good agency through our hospital's social worker. The manager came out to talk with us. He assured Mom that he would "handpick" the perfect person for her (she prefers a more mature woman). They found a really nice lady who Mom really liked.
We moved recently and are now hiring privately. Again, I asked around and found two really good caregivers. One comes in for an hour during the week, the other for 2 on the weekend. It just gives me peace of mind and a little break, and gives Mom someone else to interact with.
I found that Mom's most strenuous objections were when I was present. When the agency manager came, she was as sweet as could be. Maybe you could try that with your Mom. Tell her that this person is just coming in to do a little housework.
At some point you will just have to insist that she have a caregiver. I understand the part about not wanting a "stranger" in your home, but you have to weigh that against personal safety. The only alternative is for her to stay with you until you can make other arrangements.
good luck
If i am working and need to quit my job to take care of my dad, would i get paid to live with him and take care of him?
If they need help and refuse getting it-you may have to tell them it is not safe for them to be alone and if they do not want to go to a nursing home they need to give it a chance by having someone be there to help. Call an agency and let them asses your parents-they will be able to acess what there needs are and if it is safe for them to be alone-and that will not being you who makes the decision-it is better to do it that way than have nosey neighbor report to APS then an investigation would be done-if when assesed by professionals they are deemed to be left alone -that will give you an answer and if not they will be able to advise you-it may not be your parents wishes but they will have to abide with the experts.
Here is part of my strategy when my parents objected to a caregiver coming into the home. I told Mom that Dad needed some extra help and I told Dad that Mom needed some extra help. After all, they love each other and only want the best for one another. I knew I did not want to have a power struggle on my hands like I sometimes had when raising teenagers. Once the tone was set between me and my kids, we continued to lock horns about other issues. On the other hand, a positive approach can carry over into future situations, too.
I want to know if i leave my job to take of my father do i get paid through insurance? He wants me to take care of him but, financially i can't afford to lose my job..What do i do?
I would not give up my job in this economy -it is not easy to get paid for caring for a family member legally-and you lose benefits and usually it does not work out like you think it will and big issues arise and there is no going back-keep your job and look into what services he can get with his savings -social security-pensions etc-and if is 5 years or less he needs medicaide you may have to pay back what you earned while caring for him-if after seeing an Elder Lawyer something leagelly can be worked out and you know for sure you will be able to get another job that is different-but all I can tell you is what I have learned from years on AC-this is probably not the way to go-for either of you.
I do not want an agency care giver in my home. Why can't I simply hire someone to help me during the day?
Brenda - what type of insurance does he have? Medicare does not pay for home care. Most private insurance, unless it is long term care insurance does not provide for home care either.
menohardy - why do you an object to a caregiver from an agency? There is protection for you in working with an agency that will vet the worker with background checks, drug tests etc.
After my father-in-law passed away early in November, my mother-in-law, with mid-stage Alzheimer's, requires someone else to be with her almost constantly, i.e. my husband. I feel like I am the widow now and my mother-in-law has a new husband. I miss my husband and want a solution to this situation.

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