My mom was recently diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia after having a large number of cognitive issues over the course of the last 18 months. Looking back we believe that this may have started closer to 4 years ago.
Things really took a turn in December of 2017 when she had her first fall incident. During her hospitalization a team of doctors ran the necessary tests and declared her medically incompetent. It was at this point that we knew that she could not live on her own. She can't live with me because I live in another country and my brother (only other sibling) struggles with his own issues which prevent him from being able to take on the duties of providing that level of care. At the time my mom was discharged from the hospital my aunt (mother's sister) decided to take my mom in, but as a lot of you know from your own experiences this caused a lot of stress and strife and around November of 2018 I was informed that my mom needed to be relocated, the sooner the better. I don't fault my aunt for this at all, she did her best and the complications of this disease require an almost saint-like level of patience to deal with.
Over the last couple months I have lead a concerted effort showing incredible due diligence, and with the assistance of family members doing facility tours and sending video back for me to assess, we have selected a facility where we believe that she will get the care she needs despite the fact that she may not be the happiest person in the world when she finds out about it.
The big problem is that I'm the sole person making the big decisions and breaking big / bad news to my mom. Back home, no one has the ability or the courage to discuss these things with her, and in the case of my aunt she doesn't feel like it's her place and I can't disagree. She's my mother after all. So any time we need to talk about anything serious, I need to come back into town, sit with her, discuss, drive the main next steps, and then I have to go home while the rest of the family deal with the smaller follow up items.
My mother has no idea she's about to go into assisted living, and frankly has no ability to grasp the fact that she's mentally incapacitated. Next Friday I will be travelling back to town to break the news about the relocation and the very next day we have a nurse assessment at the facility to determine if she belongs in assisted living or memory care.
I'm looking for any advice on what I can do to make this easier for her, and while it may sound selfish, how to make this easier for me as well. I'm not looking forward to this. It's going to be a big change, it's all going to come at her VERY fast, she's going to be separated from her dog which she loves more than anything, and she may not even be able to understand why.
Keep in mind I already have DPOA and full guardianship. So I can make the decision that she's going to go, but I have no idea what to do if she physically refuses to get up and go to the assessment.
Any comments are appreciated. Thank you.