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I''m helping my parents fill out their Health Care Directive, and we are wondering how to describe the situation where, if Dad or Mom were essentially on life support (would die if supports removed), would they have to be kept alive, just so the 4 other kids could come and see them? Dad & Mom really don't want to have artificial life support at all. But all my siblings live far out of state, and do not visit parents, so how do we write this into the Directive, that the parents do not wish to artificially extend their time, just so the siblings could catch their plane and say "good-bye" one last time?
Maybe I just need someone else to write it. I'm having trouble coming up with a coherent sentence.

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When my daughter decided no more chemo, I told cousins time is short and come see her now and if you can't come see her now, don't come see me later. Don't tell me how bad YOU feel or that YOU couldn't bear to see her, because I might just lose it and smack you one.
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I'm very curious why any child would want to extend their parents' brain-dead life so that others could see them lying, essentially dead, in a hospital bed.

You say, "Mom and dad don't want any life support at all." There's your answer. Why are you complicating matters?? It's not what YOU want. It's what THEY want for themselves.
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Life support for something temporary is one thing. If the condition can get better. Life support for keeping someone "here" until others can get there is another. If your parents don't want life support if they are at deaths door, simply say "If no hope for recovery." Also remember that a feeding tube is life support. You have life with the body, and support with the feeding tube. I would have no problem with my children withholding a feeding tube if I'm terminal. Be sure to get mom and dad's opinion and go from there.
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When your parents get to that point, call the missing in action sibling and let them know that Mom/Dad only have a few days. If they want to say goodbye, NOW is the time not after they are gone. Respect for the individual wishes is paramount not the children's.
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Maggie I am only trying to anticipate my siblings reaction....based on past experience with our grandparents, whom they didn't get to say their goodbyes, they have indicated that they want to be at our parent's bedside to say goodbye. Of course, they hardly ever visit now, when the folks are still alive, which is when it matters.
But I will do what the parents want---not what the sibs want----and so the parents' words in each of their Health Care Directive is what will be followed.
If they say I pulled the plug too early, I'll just have a copy of the Directive at hand which shows, that's what Dad or Mom wanted.
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Thanks all. This is just such a sticky question and I have to pussy-foot around it. My Dad has dementia & cannot comprehend the future. So I actually asked Mom what she would think if she or Dad were technically gone, would she want to keep the machines running, JUST so the other kids could come & see them (laying in hospital bed after a day or two of being pumped by machines).
My Mom said, "Oh God, No, just let us die. (the other kids, she named them all) can come see us on the other side and tell me why they couldn't take their vacation at grandma's." Bearing in mind, she has not seen some of her own grandkids for over 10 years because my sib's are just so stubborn & bullheaded, they would rather go to Hawaii or Canada, than their own parents. OK, yes, I am being judgemental. But I'm the One who gets to do all the running around, and see into the soul of their eyes, when they wonder how big the grandkids are getting.....(and a couple great-grandkids).
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I work in the ICU of a hospital, and we often "keep" the patient until family can get there, if it;s a resonable amount of time. It;s for the family, You know yours best.. but I would get the parents input. You can say good bye at the family viewing just as well.
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maybe the losers oughtta come see them before the final show of heroism . my friend ( flatlines ) mother died from a brain aneurism . keeping her on a breathing machine till crackheads could arrive from calif was pointless as theyre main concern was soaping up her hand and removing an expensive ring from her finger . no sentiment in the ring anyhow cause crackma had copped it in a meth deal . what people treasure isnt funny at times ..
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i ant cynical, im honest ..
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Oh Captain I know what you are talking about! We once had a family fighting over who was getting the gold tooth... No lie... As if ???
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