Very recently this week my bf dad been diagnosed with Leukemia stage 4 given 1 week-1 month max as they found another tumor. It’s hard as I wish I was there. I need some advice on what to say and everything. He’s constantly giving me updates but still. My bf has said there’s no use in any treatment as he doesn’t want his father to go through any pain as he’s been through so much already. His lower part of his body isn’t working great and he won’t be able to walk again.
At first he was given at least 3 months but now that he is critical it’s been reduced. I hope his dad will be able to come home and have some days with his wife and my bf and have some near to normal days with them.
I was with my bf from Feb to July and I’m so glad I got that much time with him.
This has all happened really suddenly and my bf is handling it well and has accepted it. He’s really strong but sometimes I’m truly at loss for words.
Plus being long distance from my boyfriend is harder as I’m not there and I’m not able to do anything physically, I’ve kept saying on message and call that I’m right here for him through it all and no matter what. We’ve been together 3 years 8 months. I see his family as my family so it was hard for me as well when I had found out.
Any advice or suggestions will be truly appreciated.

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Hello all, just an update.
I spoke with my bf yesterday and I asked him how everything is going on with Dad. He said the doctors are trying all they can but at the moment, his body is literally shutting down. His lungs are affected, liver it’s all slowly spreading to the rest of his body. His lower part of his body is not working and he won’t be able to walk again. He’s also on artificial oxygen 24/7. My bf feels that his dad shouldn’t have to go through anything else and therefore doesn’t want to put his dad through any vigorous treatment, which I completely understand. He then explained it would mean having to find a kidney, liver etc, blood changes, just basically his dad would be going through a lot.
My bf feels that his dad should pass soon (I know it sounds bad) because he’s in a lot of pain and doesn’t want him to suffer anymore. He’s on pain medication I believe, he on high medication.
Him and his mum have both accepted the situation, although it will be extremely hard.
I do wish I could be with my boyfriend at this time more than anything and I’ve said this to him and he said don’t worry and don’t think about that now, these things happen. But truly wish I was there. I feel helpless but I’m doing all I can to let him know I’m right here as I’ve said before.
Sometimes when we call at the moment whether it’s video/audio call at times I’m so loss for words, it’s so hard knowing he’s going through this. He’s unbelievably strong :’(

I hope I’m saying the right things although I’m aware in these situations anything you say isn’t wrong necessarily but I’m so paranoid and just worried if I’m doing all I can for him or saying the right things
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Dad could go home on Hospice but the family would do most of the work. An aide would be provided for bathing about 3x a week and a Nurse would check in about 3x a week too. The RN would also the available by phone 24/7. Hospice is comfort care. Meaning that Morphine is involved for pain and breathing. To help control the pain the person maybe out of it.

If in a hospital setting, he also should be on comfort care.
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Watkinson07 Sep 2020
Thank you so much for your message, it’s so appreciated!
I think that was the plan at first but now that he’s became critical I think it’ll be hard for him. My bf did say that they would do a hospice and bring him home with medicines.
I do hope that it could come to that, so he can be home with his family.
I’m not too sure if he’s getting Morphine but I did ask him, I know he’s on a very high medication at the moment.
You sound exceptionally caring to me, and I don't think you are going to have any trouble at all. You sound as though you are listening to your BF and this is the honestly best thing you can do. People tend to question and want to give advice, and to tell the truth this only adds to confusion. The statements you have made above are beautifully perfect. You say your BF is strong, and that you are glad you could be there with your bf and family earlier in the year. You say you wish you knew what you could say to make things better. You indicate it is helpless to feel separated, to know how to help.
All those things are perfect to say now.
When at last his Dad is at peace help him to celebrate the love, the goodness, the joy of having him, as well as mourning the death. Follow his lead, be his support. Ask if there is anything you can do.
Shane's idea of the restaurant call is a great one.
I am sorry for the helplessness in the face of one you love grieving a loss. But I think your words tell me that in terms of being a loving support, you got this.
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Watkinson07 Sep 2020
Thank you AlvaDeer for replying to me. Awww your words are extremely nice and really reassuring :’) I don’t want to give advice but I just hope the things I’m saying are okay, I know right now in this situation whatever anyone says can’t change anything but it’s always in my head.
I definitely will do when that time comes, I’m afraid for that time and I’m sure my bf and his mum and his relatives are as well. But I’ll be sure to remind him that he’s dad has lived a very long and healthy life which he has until now. Yesterday while on the call before he put the phone he wanted to know what was going on with me and my knee situation (an injury I’ve had for nearly 2 years) so I just said oh don’t worry about me. But I realised he genuinely wanted to know and it’s okay for us to talk about normal things, I read somewhere that try and talk about usual things during these times, but I feel like right now with everything going on it will be in his head and wouldn’t want to talk about anything different, maybe, I don’t know.
I said I was sorry that I couldn’t be there and then he said I shouldn’t feel that way and it’s okay plus these things happen. I said well I am there for you, if not physically but in every other way, to which he gave a faint smile.
yes I’m going to look into the thing about sending food over.
Thank you that means a great deal for me!
Sounds like you are doing the best you can. Maybe send the family food to their home as often at times like these people forget to eat. You can google a local restaurant and have them deliver something to them.
Continue to be a good listener. Assist in finding a funeral home near them and ask your bf if that’s been taken care of.
Helpful Answer (2)
Watkinson07 Sep 2020
Hello, I’m so thankful for your message. I could do but we’re both in different countries that’s the thing. Which is mainly making it really hard on me as I feel so helpless that I’m so so far away.
I might be able to though either way. I’ve asked him if he’s eating properly and looking after himself and he says he is and not to worry.
Yes it’s true and your right, I’m just being there the best I can and letting him open up if he feels to.
Im definitely going to try and see if I can somehow send food over to his address.
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