I guess I'm really stuck. I was dating the daughter (L) of a narcissistic mother, for over 2 years--and L is the adopted daughter of this narcissistic mother. Our relationship seemed to be really solid and strong, and then she started pushing me away, and not having reasons for it. But it created a bad dynamic between us. It started happening when L had a lot going on in her life: she learned rather innocently that her boyfriend just previous to me, who dumped her on their 1 year dating anniversary, had been cheating on her right from the beginning of their relationship! To me the complexities of that situation were how he dumped her (out of the blue) and then L learning 2 years later how he had been cheating on her. Also this past fall she had a close girlfriend dying from cancer, and another close girlfriend moving out of the area, and finally increasing care needs for her 97 year old narcissitic mother. From what I've gathered almost all of L's relationships have been failed because of poor choices on her part (her admission). So the end of our relationship came as now her mother needs virtually round the clock care. She has said she "will do anything for that woman as she goes through dying
The issue I'm trying to explore is that I deeply love her, and she has no idea of the toxicity that her mother has inflicted in her life. She knows that her mother has treated her awful her whole life, but I don't think she's ever explored the topic of narcissism. I feel that to suggest anything at this stage regarding that she needs to seek professional help (not her girlfriends) would be futile. It seems my only other choice is to sit on the sidelines, watch it play out, and be left wondering if any kind of realizations hit L when it's all over. I do feel powerless.