Follow
Share

Tried a caregiver but both Alzheimer's husband and caregiver are bored. Nothing to do. The caregiver said he became anxious after 3 hours together because nothing to do. I was so happy to get away but don't know to keep them busy. He doesn't like puzzles, board games, tv.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
What does your husband like to do?
The care giver should be instructed to engage your husband in an activity. Card game, going of a walk if he is able, toss a ball around a light beach ball is a great way to keep hand eye coordination. A game like Jenga where he stacks blocks, does not matter if they actually play or not just stacking is good. Lego, I got the huge ones for my Husband to put together.
Adult Day Care if at all possible. He can get out and socialize and a day at Adult Day Care is probably less expensive than the day of a care giver. The one I had my Husband in for a while would pick up by about 8 and he would be brought back by 4. I then had to switch to another where I could drop him off by 9 and could pick him up by 5.
Does your husband like cooking or baking? Can the caregiver help him make cookies or cook dinner? A bit of supervision and it would be a safe project.

The funny thing about Alzheimer's or other dementia forms is you just might get him interested in something that he would not have done in his previous "life" Try painting or other art project, coloring, either paints or there are awesome coloring pencils and they are more vibrant than crayons. At some point you might have to switch to markers or larger colored pencils as it may get more difficult for him to hold a narrow pencil.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report
disgustedtoo Feb 2019
Yes to interest in something they might not have been interested in previously!!!

In mom's MC there was a woman who was always working on jigsaw puzzles. I would go over and work with her, as I too love jigsaw puzzles. Initially mom just came along, but she eventually started poking around and would spend quite a while with us, even getting some pieces together! This was absolutely something she would never have done before. Sadly we lost her a few months ago, just shy of 101 (and another woman came in who guards the table jealously!)

Mom also showed me a picture one day of a little white dog (not sure of breed) and told me she was going to ask my brother to get one for her!!! The poor dog would probably starve to death, but beforehand would rack up cleaning charges as mom wouldn't remember to let it out or feed it!! Point here is she TOLERATED us having a few pets (started with Duke, grandparents dog, then one other, plus some guinea pigs and a few pet mice and maybe way back some fish), but was NEVER a fan of them! NOW she wants a dog????

So, you never know what might interest a person later in life, especially with dementia!!!
(0)
Report
What do you and hubbie do all day when you are at home, does he need to be entertained constantly? I imagine part of his agitation was because he felt a need to play host to this stranger in his home, let him know that he can go ahead and do whatever he usually does all day. He may also be picking up on the caregiver's frustration if they are constantly trying to engage him in activities he wants no part in. The caregiver needs to be able to step back and do nothing if that's what he needs, I have no sympathy for their "boredom" - aside from having a shower and lunch my mom slept the majority of my 6 hour day away.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report

What does your husband do while you are home with him?
Are you basically doing housework, cooking etc while he watches tv or keeps you company? If so. why not try hiring a housekeeper or someone who is willing to keep an eye on him or make cookies or work on your garden? Whatever he is accustomed to already might seem more natural to him. Perhaps it depends on your husband’s ability at this point as to what he will participate in.
I lost a good friend to Alz this past summer. The last few times we visited she would just sit with us. She lived on a large property where the family had two or three large dogs that she loved and they loved her. She would pet them over and over. Earlier visits she would snap beans or shell pecans or ‘help’ prepare a meal. She had become non verbal for the most part. One day we sat outside and talked about her days as a designer and what we especially liked that she had created. Out of nowhere it seemed, she said “ Yes, I was good at that.” To us, that was a great visit.
Or you might hire a bather that will come in and bath him, shave him, give him a pedicure, manicure. Have them do something that not only gives you a break but also does some of your chores.
if you have an adult day care nearby it may be worth it to check that out as well.
Don’t let boredom cause you to miss out on time for yourself.
It’s a job after all so you need someone willing to work on the solution.

edit. Sorry for repeating comments. They weren’t posted when I started. I’m slow.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Really, its up to the Caregiver to find ways to entertain him. Thats why you get away.

Tell the Caregiver if she can't engage him, thats OK. If he didn't do things like cards and puzzles before he isn't going to learn now. As long as she bathes him. Dresses and feeds him while you gone, then she has done what she can. Tel, her she can bring a craft, like knitting or crochet. Her laptop. She can show him Yahoo news. Do her FB and show him things that pop up.

I have crocheted with plastic trash bags. You need to make "yarn" first. Maybe he could make the yarn. A Church in my area is making mats for the homeless to sleep on so their blankets or sleeping bags aren't on the cold ground or cement.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Mar 2019
JoAnn,

Love the idea of helping the homeless. Your church sounds awesome!
(0)
Report
If caregiver is bored that person is in the wrong business. It s about the one needing care, not the caregiver.

Try a different caregiver that will take on the job and has ideas on how to keep both of them busy and hopefully entertained.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

If the caregiver said that, I'd wonder if this might be a good fit. People who care for dementia patients should be well versed in dementia behavior and what a person with dementia is capable of doing. Plus, doing your job isn't supposed to be entertaining to the worker. It's his job to care for the patient and if possible, make it as pleasant as possible for the person he is caring for.

I think that a lot of people don't realize that some activities don't amuse people who have dementia, because, they are not able to focus the way they used to, so reading, watching tv, playing games, etc.....might not hold much interest for them. The caregiver could do research and get some ideas on ways to amuse the patient. Or, you could provide them the assignments.

Coloring is fun for some, but, the patient usually needs constant direction to stay on course. I have a friend who's father enjoyed finding the red beans in a big bowl of white beans. She's paint a few red and her dad's job was to find the red beans and put them in a separate container for her. He'd spend a long time doing it, but, would have to be continually reminded of what he was supposed to be doing. Also, a person with dementia may tire and need frequent breaks to rest, get a snack or beverage. I might search for a person who might be better suited for your husband.
Helpful Answer (15)
Report
qattah Feb 2019
Good point about providing the caregiver with an assignment about activities. That is as important as meal preparation and grooming. I know one caregiver whose duties included playing cards with the patient for at least two hours.
(1)
Report
My patient liked Opera. I would play music for him. I would bring him flowers..at first fresh, then from Michael's because they were cheaper and never died. He would always comment how beautiful they were! I would practice my Zumba(entertain him and me!) and talk to him about subjects he liked. I would bring Whoppers from McDonald's and New England Clam Chowder- his favorite foods. We would call his son and use FaceTime to see his grandchildren. Sometimes I just sat there next to him and then wheelhim outside to get fresh air. We stared at a fish aquarium alot ..so much we had names for them.Oh, I have a little sweet dog and boy! He loved Sammy.. especially cause it was pure unconditional love. So maybe the caregiver just isn't being creative enough. ..i think there are so many ways to share joy.
Helpful Answer (23)
Report
qattah Feb 2019
You sound like a joy to be around! Wonderful ideas...
(2)
Report
Im a caregiver and its our job to entertain our clients. It can be difficult but you need to find something for clients to get busy and even exercise their brains. Hopefully your caregiver asked what your husband used to do and his hobbies so she/he has basis when looking for some things to do.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

fire the caregiver and get a better one. It's hardly your job to entertain the caregiver. Try walks in the park. My mom may have end-stages of Alzheimer's but she loves her daily walks and I use a specialized walker that cost me nearly $700. She is much, much easier to care for after her daily walk.
Helpful Answer (11)
Report
Daughter4mother Feb 2019
Eexactly, I agree 100 percent with the fire the caregiver. Caregivers are supposed to fire people up not place more stress and burdens on the family of the person being cared for. Remember too that caregivers have limits too. It is not unusual to employ caregivers who are nearly burned out and over stressed. Many times they don't care for themselves and over extend themselves in experiences they should not take on or do. Sounds like this persons tolerance and experience level was not equipped for the long haul. Time to say bye bye and speak truth about the situation.
(0)
Report
It's not always easy to find activities for the elderly. My mil used to like puzzles, word puzzles of all kinds, watching the news and movies, going to church, etc. She can no longer do/enjoy any of it. When I bring out a 30 piece puzzle, she isn't happy because she wants to do one of hers from 60 years ago. If I get out one of those with 500-1000 pieces she just sits and looks at it and says she has no interest in puzzles anymore. It's the same with TV, she can't follow the story line of a movie and she tells us the same news from 2 years ago. She is always excited to go to daycare, but then when we pick her up, she says all the others just sleep all day. I know they do crafts and games, but they also have games, chapel, and music. Her knees and hip are so bad that she cannot walk much either.
At home, she wants me to sit with her all day and chat. Because daycare is 20 miles one way (80 miles total, if I go home for part of day), I really can't take her 5 days a week. She goes 3 days so I can have time to go to the gym and shop. On her days at home, I usually need to clean and do things around the house rather than spend my time sitting and talking.
One of the earliest signs of dementia for her, was need to be around people and converse. Was okay in beginning, but now she expects us to entertain her constantly. Just gets old sometimes.
I feel for you Joannona. Hopefully, some of the suggestions of others can help you. I don't have much to offer, but do know that you are not alone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Agree with other posters that if the caregiver is complaining to you (!) about being bored (!), that person is a poor fit for this role.

Try to find a replacement who knows something about caring for dementia patients. Someone who takes responsibility for their job and themselves, and has ideas they can try for engaging the DH, plus a positive attitude about not giving up.

Or, if it's too hard to find caregivers in your area and this person does a decent job keeping your H safe, fed, toileted, and clean, tell that CG not to complain to you about boredom. You're paying that person to do a job, not to have fun.

Finally, just go take your breaks that you hired a CG for, and don't worry about it. Enjoy your respite times as self care is so very important!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

It seems the caregiver did try.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Watch for the Caregiver’s strengths and skills and assign her duties to match what your husband likes to, do since you know him best.
My husband likes yoga, so I printed a few pages of easy “ chair yoga for Seniors” and they do that every afternoon. It lifts their spirit and they both feel productive.
Another activity in my house is for the Caregiver to take my husband to the Library. He loves that.
Another activity later in the day is playing dominoes. I told her to let him win so he feels successful. They both laugh a lot.
If the weather is good, I told them they have to walk 20-30 minutes. Some days they play hand ball in the back yard. Why not. It uplifts his spirit and I have a more pleasant environment.
My point is, we need to guide the routine and set it up for success. After a couple of days, the Caregiver
should move on, repeating or adjusting the activities you have shown her.
Worth the try. Good luck!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

You need to hire an experienced caregiver, who has training or certification as an activity specialist, recreation aide or occupational therapy aide. I had an Certified Nursing Assistant with certifications in rehab, dementia training and recreation and activites. When you advertise for a caregiver request experience and significant training with dementia and alzheimers. Ask for a list of activities they do and places they trained and worked in.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

It's good that you are aware of the boredom problem. We had some wonderful CNAs. Each day I had an agenda that included coloring, exercise, music, and puzzles. There are wonderful dementia puzzles. We did ball throwing, drumming, and art every day. Every other day I took my husband out for shopping, gym, sight seeing, etc. He went to the gym up to a month before he died. My CNA was busy doing the various activities with him. She and I worked together to develop the best approach for him. Also, there are day programs--check your local senior center for additional suggestions for what be available in your area.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Joannona Feb 2019
Your name Nancyjoan rings a bell with me. My name is Joan and my sister is Nancy!! LOL

there are no day care programs in my area. If there was it would be a good solution. Caregiver was scheduled to return on this last Monday but my husband demanded she not come!
(1)
Report
You must have some inkling as to what his interests and capabilities are. New activities can still be tried too, as people's interests can change.

However, if he refuses to do anything with this (or any) caregiver, there is not much that can be done. This person seems, as others have said, to be in over her head. Sure, sometimes games, puzzles, coloring, etc can work for some people, but it depends on the person. A person providing care for a dementia patient has to have a large bag of tools to work with, as this is not a one-size-fits-all kind of job.

Others have asked - what does he do all day on days the caregiver isn't there? Why can he not do those same or similar things that day the caregiver IS there? What are his physical capabilities? Can he go out or be taken out for a walk? Can he exercise? Has he ANY interests at all? Small projects? Making thing? Keeping the mind AND body active are two of the recommended goals...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Joannona Feb 2019
I take him with me each day to my office and work until he becomes impatient. I take him with me to the market and all errands. He doesn't play cards, games, puzzles but as you said I should try. His interests change. I tried the "folding the laundry" trick. He will fold on rare occasions. He basically shadows me all day and evening. He will walk around the farm picking up sticks. I have just about given up trying to find help. Someone who knows how to handle a Alzheimer's patient. They should know.
(0)
Report
A bored caregiver is in the wrong line of business.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
CarolynBeth Mar 2019
This is painfully true. I decided to become a companion to elder adults to give them things to look forward to or in the case of those with memory loss — make the most of the moment.

An easy, rewarding project is making blankets for pets in shelters. I have done this with three clients. Sometimes we work on the project for five minutes and other times longer.

I remind them of what we are doing or present it as if it was the first time. It just depends on the individual.

remember — they don’t have to be perfect— I cut the fringe with scissors and we tie the fabric together.

https://www.thesprucecrafts.com/fleece-tie-blanket-1252959
(1)
Report
If a person didn't play cards and puzzles before its really going to be hard to teach them now. And if you do get them interested, they may not remember the next day.

Coloring seems to be the activity most facilities choose as entertainment. I am the first to say a person with Dementia is like a child but when I see them coloring I feel its so demeaning. My girls got tired of coloring at 7. Me, I hate to color but that is me.

It is really hard to keep people with Dementia interested. Their minds just seem to jump from one thing to another. I really think its a special CNA that can keep her client engaged.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

joannona;
Others said this caregiver doesn't have the right skill set. You said: "Someone who knows how to handle a Alzheimer's patient. They should know."

We hired aides for a sanity check/make sure mom took her meds. I didn't care what they did otherwise. But I noted differences among them. It lasted a few months before she refused to let them in. Mom was then still mostly able to care for herself, but the time was coming when she would need supervision.

With cameras to monitor mom (just out/inside the door) and being there a few times when aides were there, one was a doll, the others, meh. That one would try to clean (bathroom, sweep floor, etc.), doing more than just sitting/chatting and mom would try to intervene! She likely thought of the person as a guest and was horrified that a guest would clean!

So, is this caregiver from a company or private hire? If it's a company, can you talk with them and see if there might be someone more suited to your husband's needs? You don't have to bad-mouth this woman. Interview/be there for initial visits and see how he/she interacts and if he seems to bond. Same for hiring private caregivers. You might consider hiring a male rather than a female - he might bond better with a guy.

From your response to me, there are activities that occupy some of his time. They would, to us, be random, silly things to do, but who knows what's going on in their minds! While picking up sticks is mostly pointless, it does seem to suit him! Getting outside, moving around, etc is GOOD! Our mom sits and reads sales catalogs. I wish she would move more/participate in other activities, but this is what she was used to (Marshall's, TJs, etc were her best friends - not ours, the amount of clothing, shoes and handbags we had to dispose of, we could've opened our own store!!!) 

It is also good he goes places with you (market, errands, even work, although that might not sit well with your employer.) Mom started to make excuses NOT to go out, even to places she liked. She would also complain about having "nothing to do" and wanting to get out and do/see something besides the four walls. All her friends in her condo area used to go to free or low cost lunches (mostly sponsored by local AL places), but she started making excuses and not going to those.

"His interests change." Yup, just like toddlers, attention span of a gnat!! If you had kids, you know how they will focus on some new toy or game for a while, then lose interest. For toddlers, that's the time to put it away and take it out later, when it is "new" again.

This is why you need to try various activities, and see what works. They may not work every time or for long, but the more you have in your "kit", the more you have to distract him with! Trying various games or "busy" work, even things he would not have done before, and rotating them might identify more activities. As noted in my post, mom NEVER did or would have worked on jigsaw puzzles, so when I started doing them with the other resident, I was surprised that she joined in! Some of these "activities" will need input/working together from you or aide to keep him occupied. No games or puzzles? Given someone to work with, he might be interested, at least for a little while. You said he did the laundry folding sometimes, can you come up with other sorting type of activities, such as mixing a bunch of things together and have him sort them into bins? Try some craft projects geared for kids (safe glue, no real tools, etc.) They made birdhouses and other craft items at mom's place. Put out some bird feeders and have him, with supervision, refill those (outside again!)  

If I had to care for mom myself and she would walk around picking up crap, I would hire someone with a good set of dementia tools (for times when walking might not be doable) AND encourage them to walk around as much as possible! Fresh air, moving, having a companion to keep company and perhaps chat with, all good for the patient.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Is your husband able to understand the games presented. Maybe the caregiver "an talk to him about how he would like to spend their time together. I found my husband doesn't understand how to play many games anymore, numbers and logic are a problem. I get simple word puzzles he can find and circle words and he enjoys card games. Even childrens magnetic fishing poles can be a source of fun and entertainment. I have a caregiver 6 hours a week and end up sleeping the first couple of hou knowing he is enjoying time with her and having a social time.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

oops sorry, just read further down and saw you don't have daycare near you.
Send him to a daycare that specializes in ALZ.  Make sure the program has a wide variety of activities throughout the day and that it's okay if someone doesn't want to do one activity that they can do something else.   My mom's program has music (people come in and perform) and the clients have musical instruments they can play along with, games (not necessarily board games), arts and crafts, animals visit, folding towels, occasionally watching old movies or tv shows, the men play poker with one of the owners (no money is exchanged), etc.  It's a great program (Located in Rocklin, CA).   Hopefully this suggestion helps.  Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You need to get away and let the caregiver do the work you pay him to do. Try an endless supply of matching socks, folding towels, coloring, sorting groceries, organizing clothes, clipping pictures out of magazines for scrapbooking, clipping coupons, etc. Busy work for him is your best friend. Schedule their busy work in chunks of time with rest periods in between.

Also, does music soothe him? What music did he grow up with? His caregiver can provide him with music therapy.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter