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Any advice for options when you have a bi-polar mother who is also having a lot of falls and back issues and history of suicide attempts. In the past, the suicide attempts had been when no one was around. This time the attempt was while I was upstairs asleep. My best friend was in town staying for the weekend. We'd said good nights and I love yous at 11p with Mom, but when my friend went to meet her for coffee early as they always did she found her in the empty bathtub, in her nightgown with a pillow unresponsive and limbs flailing and banging against the tub.

When asked why she was in the tub with her nightgown on and a pillow, she said she didn't want to make a mess in the house like she did last time she tried to overdose.

The really sad part is she knew my friend would be the one to find her. My friend lost her mother to covid and now mine was throwing hers away. It was really hard on my friend.

Mom's been in the hospital 6 days and is waiting for a bed in the psych unit. I'm so afraid they are going to release her to me. I can't live like this. I can't wonder if I'm going to walk downstairs and have her unresponsive from a drug overdose again.

I don't have the funds to put her in an assisted living facility or help fund it. I can barely pay my own bills. I feel like I'm losing my own sanity trying to navigate this.

Any suggestions, options or hope?

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Don't bring her home. There is no guarantee that she will stay on her medications once discharged.

I agree with everyone who says she will be an unsafe discharge.
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Reply to Scampie1
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Ditto to all who are telling you to say NO. Especially if you are not her PoA. Let the discharge planner and social worker at the hospital know she is an "unsafe discharge" and you do not want a suicidal, active BP person in your home, ever again. Make sure no one goes to retrieve her to take her back to your place. Even if she has a long stint in the psych ward and they stabilize her with meds, the answer is still a permanent NO. You will need to work with social services to get her a court-appointed legal guardian if she's "bad enough". Once this happens she will be on Medicaid and they will transition her into a facility and pay for all of it. You'll be done. This is how it went with my jerk of a SFIL. The guardian was awesome and we didn't have to deal with his nonsense anymore.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You can never take her home again. I'm sure you realize that.

Sooooo, it's up to her medical care team at the hospital. They must find a place where she can be treated. You must insist that she's unsafe to be discharged to you. If they start up with that idea, repeat over and over that it's unsafe, you cannot help her, can't be responsible for her, and repeatedly mention the two suicide attempts in your home. Repeat these things over and over, like a broken record.

There's another thing you might have to try. If it feels that you are being bombarded and that her social worker, doctors, etc. aren't hearing you, an option is to get up and walk out. You don't have to be polite if you don't want to. I've known someone who did this, and it worked. An alternate plan was found for the person that they refused to take home. (I'm not sure this is a great idea, considering that you might wish to keep in contact with mom's medical team, but desperate situations call for desperate measures.) If you can no longer take care of mom, you can't. No need to feel guilty. You tried.

And personally, one of the worst things I can imagine is finding a suicide in my house. How could you ever recover from that? No way. Protect yourself, and I wish you luck in finding mom the care she needs. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Reply to Fawnby
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AlvaDeer Jun 7, 2025
Yes, I agree with this.
The fact is that suicides happen every day, and we are losing our kids, our vets, our depressed elders in huge numbers. Life is simply too tough for some to face it down and get through it.

But this is now for the medical team to address, and no, Mom shouldn't be in the home, and be the responsibility of the family any longer. She requires now, expert care none of you are qualified or equipped to give. I am so sorry. This is tough stuff.
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You tell the Social Worker that Mom is now passed your ability to care for that she needsvto be placed. If no money on her part, the SW should be able to help you find a place and start the Medicaid application. If no POA, you could allow the State to take over her care, but you will not have any say in that care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Let the folks at the psych ward that your mom can no longer return home as she is an "unsafe discharge" and you can no longer be responsible for her. If you stand your ground and keep saying that she is an unsafe discharge, they will have to get her placed in the appropriate facility, and apply for Medicaid for her if money is an issue.
Your mom now needs more help mentally than you can provide, and needs to be cared for properly.
Best wishes in getting your mom placed.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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