My dad passed away about two weeks ago following a massive stroke. I’m in a challenging situation, and honestly haven’t even had the space to grieve for my dad because of it. When my dad died, he left behind his (unmarried) partner of 20 years. They lived paycheck to paycheck on his social security and some money she’s scammed her way into from the government (disability maybe, even though she’s not disabled). He brought in more than her, and left no assets behind. She’s left with a very measly monthly income. I do feel for her. But she’s also not my responsibility. My dad was, and I spent a fair amount of money over the last 10 months for his care after he became ill late last year. I was happy to do it to make sure he had his needs met. She’s expecting me to pay off all of their very high utility bills which were in his name (she’s under the impression that they’re my responsibility because according to her, it was his debt, and I’m his only daughter, even though they live in the house together). She stopped paying them when he became ill last fall (he used to pay the bills). I had to pay over $2000 earlier this year to get their electricity and water back on. She hasn’t paid a single bill since. I told her I would help her out to give her a leg up and pay some of the immediate due amounts to keep utilities going until she transfers them to her name, but she’s still acting as if it’s all my responsibility. She texts me about it all the time. It’s become like a second job trying to manage her. The water is days away from shut off. She’s also trying to get me to start a wrongful death lawsuit with the city because he tripped and hit his head, which put him in the hospital and likely led to the massive stroke and death. Starting a lawsuit is the absolute last thing I want to do. She’s unable to initiate it because they weren’t married. She’s given my name to law firms who are calling me to talk (I did take one of the calls and they said it’s a long shot, but they’d still take the case – they’re real ambulance chasers). She just wants money. How do I get her off my back? I do feel bad for her and the situation she is in, so it's hard to totally brush her off. I don't want to come off as cruel, and she did love my dad a lot. However, she’s a very difficult person to deal with and very dysfunctional and manipulative. I know I don’t owe her anything. At this point I’m considering paying the bills (probably about $1,500 left) and then closing out the accounts in his name and just letting her figure it out (racking up a bit of a credit card bill feels like a small price to pay to get her off of my back). I just want quiet and space to grieve my dad and for this crazy woman to leave me alone, but I also don’t want to enable her and have her continue coming to me for money in the future.
You mentioned they lived in "the house" together. Was this your Dad's house or were they renting? If it's his house and you inherited it, if you continue to allow her to live there this may become a problem, as some states have squatter's "rights" laws. I would work with her daughter to get her out. The way you get her off your back is to stop feeling sorry for her and see her for what she is:. a lazy leech who doesn't care what her incessant money hounding is doing to you while you need to grieve. This is the future she planned for herself so you should let her have it. I would evict her and block her number and not feel bad for one second.
May you receive peace in your heart as you move through your grief.
Block this woman , she will not stop . If you pay , she will keep coming for more . It’s not your fault if she loses power etc.
I’m assuming here that your father did not own a home as you do not mention it .
Sorry about your loss .
I am assuming your dad owned the home they were living in.
If she continues to hound you afterwards, I'd just wish her well and block her texts.
My condolences on the loss of your dear dad.
Best of luck to you.