My BIL whom I hardly know and has been very unkind to me is telling my husband, who is in memory care, that I put him there and I’m the only who can get him out. This agitates my spouse who calls me and demands to come home.
My spouse needs 24-hour awake care and recently went to a geriatric psych unit for med adjustments due to agitation, anger, self-harm.
BIL had no contact with my spouse until his illness progressed and then started making visitation demands and reported false claims to the county about me, which were deemed false by the county. The county recommended I draft a visitation schedule for The BIL and other menacing relatives which I did. They do not honor the schedule and I often have to not visit after arriving as I have no contact with them.
My elder law attorney stated the BIL wanted to get control of our finances/hobby farm. He doesn’t know my spouse doesn’t have any money. Attorney had to trespass a nephew for showing up on our property when he pleased.
My husband had allowed the nephew to store farm equipment in a building and he started taking over... using our possessions and showing up and allowing others on our property.
My spouse has a large family and all of them now dislike me. My family would never interfere in such a way. We got married later in life and his family seems to resent that. What to do?
You posted back in January and then thought you may have worked it out. Seems like family is still interfering. I would know have them banned. You were accommodating. Doing what APS suggested and they over stepped your boundries. Time to have a order done that because they upset ur husband, they no longer can visit.
How does Attorney feel about telling them ur DH has no money. That it takes what he has to keep him in Memory care. When its gone it gone.
That takes care of the family but not your husband's distress. For this there is no answer but to say "Honey, the BIL is correct. I did get you into care when it was needed and could not be done at home. And I cannot remove you from care as you need this care, and the doctors agree with me that you do. No one is sadder than I am that it has come to this for us, but I love you; I will always be here to visit with you and watch over you". This is the TRUTH and there's no way round it.
The family clearly thinks there is money. Why they would think it would go anywhere but to the wife I cannot imagine. And now they fear that money will get eaten up with fees from a facility. This nefarious group needs the controls of the law. Keep that diary. Keep that attorney. And on you go protecting yourself and your husband as well as you are able.
I am so sorry. What an awful mess to deal with on top of the grief.
It took to respond. It means a lot!