Big family mess. Any advice?


I wish I would of never got an attorney my brother in law has even got them to take my disability I have no more money to fight them. I appreciate the time you have taken to speak with me and my partner, regarding our client, and her mother. The purpose of this letter is to identify some of the concerns that client has regarding the care of her mother by, R’s sister. In so doing, R is hopeful that you will be instrumental in brokering an agreement between her and her sister. She simply wants to be able to see her mother, make sure she is cared for, and be involved in major decisions regarding her care. Though she may have a cause to allege undue influence or exploitation of a vulnerable adult, R has no plans to do so at this time.
One question that you raised when we spoke was where R has been for the past two years. I think it best to look back a bit further. R has had a close relationship with her parents, especially her mother, for her entire life. In 2000 R moved to Arizona to live with her parents and help take care of them. In 2007 R’s father, passed away. From 2007 to 2010 R continued to live with and care for her mother.
In 2010, without her knowledge or approval, RA took L to Iowa. While in Iowa, R continued to live in her mother’s home. In 2012 R’s husband, mailed R an eviction notice. R then moved out, at which time RA, her son, her son’s girlfriend, and her granddaughter, along with L, moved back into L’s home. To the best of our knowledge, none of L's guests have been employed while living with her.
At some point RA and S decided to seek elder law assistance from you. It is my understanding that when you asked about R, you were simply told that she is not involved. As a result, R received no notice of any property transfers or any elder law planning. In addition to lying about R’s involvement, RA took steps to prevent R from being involved. Specifically, RA told R that property was being transferred through the help of an attorney but refused to tell R which attorney was helping her. You were identified as the attorney only when I researched L’s property and found your name on the recently recorded deeds.
Concerning the property owned by L, R told RA on several occasions that she, R, would like to purchase it from her mother either alone or with RA. Obviously RA had other plans. From what I can tell, RA was able to buy the home from her mother for a price significantly less than fair market value. According to L and Ld’s trust, the assets were to be evenly divided among their three children.
RA and S have proven willing to lie and manipulate L to get what they want. As an example, R has a voicemail on her phone when L called her. During the message S can be heard in the background telling L that R doesn’t want to talk to her. RA recently lied to get a restraining order put in place, saying that R threatened to shoot them. The court has since ordered RA and S to allow R access to L. R is supposed to coordinate with S and schedule times when RA can leave the house. Despite the court order, S has refused to coordinate visits by not answering her calls or calling her back.
R also has legitimate complaints about the manner in which RA and S have cared for her mother. L no longer resides in the master bedroom, but the smallest bedroom in the house. RA forced Lto give up one of her cats. L also must keep the litter box in her bedroom, which is highly unsanitary. Furthermore, RA rarely takes L from the home for any reason other than to the doctor’s office. On the other hand, RA is always willing to take her mother shopping or to other places outside of the home. R likes to spend time with her mother, doing puzzles or just talking with her. According to L, RA and S don’t do things like that with her. RA takes care of L’s immediate needs (food, shelter, etc.) but does nothing to stimulate her mind or keep her company.
There are additional concerns regarding the adoption of a new power of attorney and transfer deeds by L, who certainly has diminished capacity. It is my understanding that L has advanced Alzheimer’s. RA told R that L will often refer to her (RA) as “mom.”
R knows that her mother would not want to be in a nursing home. She would simply like the opportunity to take care of her. She has no desire to litigate this matter.
If you have any questions regarding this matter, please do not hesitate to contact me directly. I look forward to hearing from you.

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Against whom was the restraining order issued? You?

I don't understand the comment about your BIL "turning you in to disability". Were you getting disability even though you weren't disabled?

As to the 92 year old woman, were you actually working but not reporting the income?

More details would help to understand what's really going on here.
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The attorney that wrote this did not even to court to fight the restraining order and I did not know what to expect the attorney told me he did not go to court for restraining orders it was not his thing. So I no longer have him plus I have no money no one seems to help
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I do not have anymore money to fight my sister and brother in law. I will never get to see my mom. They have broken me . This is a way for my sister to get even with me as she was always jealous of my mom and I relationship I tried to be a good sister but she has always shut me out
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These things take time and my mom is deteriorating fast. I am devastated beyond words to describe the pain I feel for what they are doing by not letting mom and I see each other they have always been jealous of me. I am all alone here and do not know what to do
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My brother in law turned me into disability because he is upset with me as he knows he has done wrong by my mom I have helped a 92 year old lady for the last 4 years only for a few hours a week I got paid very little but I never turned it in .now to straighten it out I have to pay the disability lawyer 2000 dollars to help me not lose it. I do not have the money to even pay him or the attorney that was helping me. The judge ordered them to let me see my mom but they refuse and if I go to my moms house where my sister lives I will get put in jail. Also adult protection services is working on it but in the mean time I can not see my mom
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This forum does not have an edit capacity. I've just posted on your second question on editing, but here's the link to contact the admins to ask them to delete your post and rewrite it, without specifically identifying your family.

As to your post, I assume your're R? It seems to me that your attorney wrote a good letter, I assume to your sister and BIL. I don't understand why you regret going to him. Apparently something else has occurred subsequent to writing the letter but you don't indicate what it is. Specifically, what was it beyond the letter that you wanted him to accomplish, what did happen, and why do you regret going to him? Is it because your disability was revoked?

Your statement that your BIL " even got them to take my disability I have no more money to fight them" doesn't make sense. Who's "them"? If you have a disability, it's been documented and you've been receiving funds, there would have to be a change in your physical condition in order to revoke the payments. What did he allege? Why was your disability revoked? What did you do to counter any accusations he may have made?

It's also not clear what type of advice you're seeking. It seems to me that getting an attorney to intervene was a wise move, but I think more specifics are needed to address whatever happened beyond that.
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I should edit above but I do not know where to do this I have not been able to see my mom since before Mother's Day. My brother in law has destroyed me and I am devastated I have nothing left since they will not let me see my mom they have broke my spirit
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