My boyfriend's mother had him semi-late in life (she was 37 and already had a 15 year old and 20 year old daughter). She's now 65 and has been diagnosed with Parkinson's as of about a month ago. For the past two years or so she's been hiding any medical issues from my bf and not caring for herself. Recently she's just stopped cleaning or taking care of herself and her apartment all together. We went over this past weekend and emptied 10 garbage bags of expired food and trash just from her kitchen. She used to be pretty clean (even worked as a maid at hotels until about a year ago), but now she seems to just think it's normal and somewhat funny that her place is such a wreck. She's gained a ton of weight because all she eats is fast food, drink beer, and eat sweets. She used to enjoy cooking, but now we suspect she's eating out 2 to 3 times per day. Financially and health-wise she can't afford to keep this up, but she won't go out and walk and won't cut back on the junk food. Any time we try to suggest little changes she could make she laughs us off. My bf's mother has always had issues -- she was controlling and stalked my bf when he was in high school, making it difficult for him to even have friends or be a normal teen. She lost her first daughter to the state when the first daughter was around 10, and due to other issues when that daughter became an adult, the two don't even speak anymore. The other daughter lives in town and cares about her mom, but isn't very reliable when she says she's going to show up and help out. His mother has always been a little bit manipulative, and a few years ago was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia. She's more docile now (as in, doesn't follow him around town showing up to his work or our home, but still texts him every single day to check in on him), but obviously there's still strain on the relationship because while my bf loves his mother, she's never been a "good mom." He makes himself visit her and tries to be interested in her life, but she doesn't ever leave the house and is so overly attentive via text that mostly he just feels smothered by her and dreads going to see her. The biggest issue lately is her not being able to care for herself. She has a slight tremor in her hand from Parkinson's Disease, but her doctor has said she's still in the early stages and should be able to function well for awhile still. She doesn't ask questions and hasn't even seen a neurologist, she forgets to inform my bf of her doctor's appointments so we don't even really know what the next step is. Her finances are a disaster and we can't afford to put her in assisted living, but at the same time I don't feel that it's fair to us to go over every weekend to clean her place while she sits and watches. My bf is a social worker and spends 55+ hours a week dealing with other people's disastrous family lives, he deserves a break on the weekends. When she was first diagnosed I felt sorry for her and wanted to help in any way possible, but now that we've seen that she has no interest in changing her ways or getting the help she needs mentally or physically, it's hard for me to not feel some resentment toward her. I think she sees the hours we spend cleaning her apartment as a chance to make her son visit her. I know she's probably depressed, but she stops taking medication and seeing a doctor for her bipolar and schizophrenia and so there's little hope of her keeping up therapy or medication for depression. My bf and I are 27 and just getting to the potentially engaged and married stage, and eventually may want children. But it seems like it would be impossible for us to start our own family when his mother's care is looming over our heads. Allowing her to live with us is not an option (space wise and we both work full time long hours), and even if it was I feel like my bf would be constantly on edge if she did. We don't have the money to pay for outside help or assisted living. Does anyone have suggestions for how to cope with both the resentment my bf and I feel toward her while also trying to manage and make sure we're aware of all of her medical diagnosis and financial issues so we can help her handle them?