Is it better to give her time to adjust to the nursing home before going to visit?

Sylvia, what sort of spine infection? Is it osteomyelitis by chance? Is she on intravenous antibiotics?

Sylvial, I had to stay away for three days while mom settled in at rehab. She was yelling and throwing things. The nurses handled it and she needed some happy pills to calm down.

Thanks everyone, yes she has been to Gerry physc on several occasions in the past.. We are noticing she is progressing more and more.. As for the diagnosis on the spine infection, it took over two months.. She started complaining about back pain and it just got increasingly worse, we took her to the er, they did a CT scan found nothing, we had to wait three weeks to get her into an orthopedic doctor and he ordered an MRI. She never made it to the scheduled MRI. My sister found her unable to walk and lethargic so she called 911, she was then admitted into the hospital where the MRI was done. The results of the MRI stated that she had a spine infection and compression fracture. The fracture could likely be the cause because through the bloodstream it can enter the fracture.. If your mother has a spine fracture make sure and take note if she starts complaining of back pain.. It's really nobody's fault because a spine infection doesn't show up on ct scans,, only MRI.. Very hard to diagnose.. I really didn't think she was going to make it through this, but the doctor seems to think we caught it in time and treating it will work.. It has been two years since my dad passed and she is progressing more and more,, we are starting to notice her speech is gargled at times,, they did put her mildly under for the spine biopsy some of it could be due to that. It's hard to say. I was talking with my sister today who is her POA and we are questioning when is it time to stop putting her through all the medical stuff and appointments and call in hospice.. Its a very helpless feeling to watch her suffer so much and beg to go back to the memory center and her life there.. I appreciate everyone on this site and their input. I try not to talk about it in general at work and ect. I know its hard for anyone to understand what this is like unless you have endured it with a loved one. Thank you everyone.

May I ask how they determined she had a spine infection? I'm just curious, since my loved one is in Memory Care and has a spine fracture that is healing.

I agree with ba8alou -- seek advice from the nursing home. I imagine she is in a transitional care unit, and the plan is for her to return to the memory center. When things get hard, remind yourself that this is temporary.

Remember that dementia is not logical. Blaming you for her spinal infection is not logical. Blaming you for the Memory Center's limitations is not logical. Blaming you that she is where she needs to be now is not logical. So please do not take any of her blaming to heart. You can sympathize with her unhappiness, but don't accept blame. "Yes, Mom, I know you liked the other center much better than this one, and I am so sorry you have to be here for a few weeks. The good news is that you will be going back to the center you like! ... I understand that there is ice cream available here. I'd like some now, would you?" Sympathize and change the subject.

Sylvia, has your mother ever been evaluated by a Geriatric Psychiatrist? Does she have untreated depression/anxiety?

With regard to visits/negativity, I would speak to the social worker at the facility and be guided by their advice. Don't follow in your poor dad's footsteps; preserve your life and sanity.