I'm not sure how to fully describe what I'm asking but I'll give it a try.
My 90 year old father is living in his own home. He does have memory loss and is dependent on family members to pay his bills, get groceries, do laundry, etc. His physical health over all is pretty good. He is using a cane more. He is no longer driving and just retired from barbering after 67 years.
His desire is to stay in his home. Fortunately he has funds to have paid care if and when it is needed.
A couple of siblings have mentioned to me that he should have made it so his money was "safe" so that if he had to go to a nursing home, he would not have to pay for that care out of his own money. My take is that having his own money he has more choices for care and for a longer time to be able to stay in his home.
They claim they are not interested in what they would be "inheriting" but the idea of paying out of his own care in a nursing home bothers them. My Dad never had an interest in retaining his assets/money to be able to give to his children.
I look at the money his been able to save as something fortunate as it may give us more alternatives for his care. That I think should be the priority and not how much is left at the end of his life for distributing to those who happen to be related to him (though they claim that is not what interests them.) He came in this life with nothing and if he leaves this life with nothing (which technically everyone does as they no longer need worldly goods), so be it. It's more important if the care and where he receives is in line with his wishes and I think having his own money to do that is more possible than being dependent on
Medicaid to pay the bills. I'm not saying nursing homes don't do a good job, but it's nice to be able to have other choices, if possible. And at some time he would have to go someone else to live as he could no longer be cared at home and it comes out of his own pocket, so be it. Am I missing something in my thinking?