I retired over a year ago from a job (in NC) to help my aging parents, the idea being I would move to an apartment close to my sister's home in OH and our parents would move into this apartment where I would take care of them. (For a couple years before that I was making the 10-hr drive to PA each month to check on them.) Our father was still at home being helped by a neighbor, and mother was in a nursing home 10 miles away. However, by the time we carried out this plan and moved to OH, both parents were past the point where they could adequately be cared for at the apartment. Even outside caregivers said they couldn't care for our father who had gone downhill physically very rapidly during the months before the move, so he ended up in a nursing home along with a couple hospital days, and then passed away this past May at 90 y/o. Our now 89 y/o mother, who has gradually-worsening dementia (probably Alzheimer's) didn't adapt well after the move, and even with signs on the walls giving directions to the bathroom, and notation “UP” and “DOWN” on the control of a rented lift chair, she seemed entirely unable to learn anything new, and my sister and I independently realized we simply couldn't keep her in the apartment (my living there, my sister “camping” there for 3 weeks), so our father soon had a roommate in the nursing home. After both were there I visited them every day for about 4 hours, largely making sure they ate as well as they were able (including spoon feeding). Mother is now bedridden.
After the lease for the apartment expired, I moved in with my sister's family where I have been almost a couple months. From here I still visit our mother the nursing home every day I'm in town (I'm doing some consulting which involves travel), and my sister visits about 3 times a weeks as she has been doing. However, there are some issues in my sister's house that make living there less than appealing and actually rather stressful, but the worst is basically I have my clothes on the floor because there is literally no other space because of all my sister's stuff (and her buying, hoarding, cluttering, and overdecorating irritates her husband and son, too).
I have been planning to move to NM, thinking that I would do this after both parents are gone, and my mother made a comment that suggested she assumes I would stay as long as she is alive. However, I believe my mother could realistically live another year or two. A few weeks ago my BIL mentioned that he wants me to pay rent that he'll put into his son's educational account, and I will pay this although I feel a certain resentment because of the situation described above. I could seek an apartment somewhere nearby so I can keep visiting my mother every day, but I don't really want to remain in the area. I've thought of making my move to NM sometime this fall, with the idea I would come back to visit every couple months or so (I don't mind, and actually enjoy, long-distance driving and, of course, there are airlines). I figure I'd rather spend the rent money to be someplace I want to be. One thing that's keeping me here is that our mother, who is private pay, has assets great enough that unless she lives to 105, my sister and I will have the inheritance she and our father wanted us to have, so I feel somewhat “guilty” if I don't stay around to visit each day as long as she is living in order to “earn” it (not to imply I don't love her and wouldn't want to visit even if she didn't have it, although it does get a bit tedious at times). On the other side, my sister is still her and will visit (and has POA although my BIL feels I should take over), and of course the nursing home cares for her. BTW our mother asks what the NH costs, and I tell her $200/day, and then she asks how we manage that, and we say there's no need to worry about it. I'm 62, and I won't be getting any younger if I stay here.
Sorry for the long story, but I figure I need to give the whole picture. Have others had similar experiences?