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My mom is 80, with rapid onset of dementia - stage 4 to 5 now. Money is not a problem. She has 2 very old obese cats that I will adopt, but I’m concerned how to transition her from her duplex apt to her new AL apt without causing anxiety, dysphoria...

I would find out if she can keep her cats. My dad was able to take his 6.5# dog to AL, they were more okay with her accidents than I was, she ended up being a therapy dog, giving all the other residents a chance to scratch her belly. She was very missed.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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When my elderly client had to move to an AL we did it in steps. Visited the apartment. Decided which pieces of furniture for her new place. Chose certain pieces of her son's artwork, We ate several meals there and met a lot of the residents. By the time she moved in, she was acclimated pretty well.

I realize that most folks don't have personal assistant for their folks and must do this "the hard way" but one thing that helped a LOT was that the whole family was supportive and upbeat. I continued to care for her for just a short while after she moved.

She LOVED that she had her own space, but she also really loved the warm cookies at the desk and quiet nooks she could take a visitor.

Also--money was no problem at all. Money can certainly pave the way to a lovely place to live in. Mother couldn't afford the rattiest NH you ever saw. Anne's was like a 5 star hotel.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Perhaps you could kindly explain that some of her medical issues require a facility. Before my mother entered AL she was hospitalized from a fall. I was told because of certain conditions she should no longer live alone. That seemed important to her. You could tell her how important it is to have her medicine monitored. If meals are important to her you could tell her how she will always be able to get 3 a day. Not only did my mother fall but she was making all sorts of banking mistakes. By kindly pointing them out I was able to convince her about a durable POA. She no longer has to deal with any finance issues as my husband and I do it all. Occasionally she asks for a blank check but I tell her I will write the check and give it to her but it can't be blank as her account could be wiped out. There no doubt will be complaints but the way she was living on her own was becoming very unmanageable. I wish you well with this transition.
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Reply to Riverdale
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Thanks! I’m conflicted about how to separate her from her cats. I know that may seem trivial to some, but the less the anxiety the better. On another note, had a funny thing happen last night. Mom ordered a pizza. When the young girl showed up to deliver it, my mom told her: “I didn’t order a pizza”, so the poor kid went back to her car, called the pizza place to verify the address, came back to the door, where my mom asked her “what took so long!?” Paid for the pizza, and gave the girl a $10 tip. Learned all this from my sons baseball coach, who happens to own the pizza place. 😁
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Reply to Jeff296
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pamzimmrrt Jan 31, 2019
Maybe you can take the cats to visit her, one at a time of course. We were able to take out dog to visit mom,, just ask at the front desk what they require.. we just needed proof the shots were up to date.
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if she’s like my mom was, she will take her cues from you. If you show enthusiasm for her “fantastic new place” and keep it upbeat, you may be able to engender the same enthusiasm, or close, in her. Tell her that her present apartment is being remodeled and she has to go stay at the new place for a while.

Is this a Memory Care facility? If her dementia is rapid onset, you don’t want to have to move her again in a few months or so when her condition deteriorates further.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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i’m kind of in your situation. Except that my mother has had dementia for 3 years and lives with me. I’m ready to get her in memory care , she’d have a lot more to do and be with people her own age. Some one on this site stated that a charge nurse told her to tell her parent that it’s “doctor ‘s orders “. Another approach is saying this is just until you get better. This is very difficult and stress provoking. Good luck. I need it as well.
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Reply to Erinm60
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Riverdale Jan 31, 2019
I think in the long run it will be more stressful to not place her. In the beginning I made myself very available. I called myself a geriatric soccer mom. It was very tiring but in time issues became manageable and I didn't have to worry about her well being.
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