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My mom, mild dementia, just lost my dad 5 days ago, she is naturally in shock, as we all are. They were married 63 years. She understands what happened to him,

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Wonderful advice from the whole community.

Your presence, your touch, your understanding and love are all that you can provide. If she wants to talk, share stories about happy memories.

This is a terrible blow to your mother.The early stages of dementia may make it even worse as she may forget he's gone and she's most likely too aware at this stage for you to redirect.

My mother went through this and it was heartbreaking for us all. It took a long time for her to finally absorb that Dad had died. My heart goes out to you as well as your mom because you are grieving your dad's death and your mom's pain.

Please keep in touch so that we can offer what support we can.
Carol
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Just be there for your mom, hold her hand, talk to her, stay with her for awhile. Let her knw she can depend on you. Do not push her to go to lunch with friends, attend grief support, or anything she does not want to do now. Grief takes its own time and people process it in different ways.

Zanners I am sorry for your loss. Take care of your mom for awhile now.
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Depending upon the clarity of any long-term memory she may have, it might be helpful to talk about old times, as for example, that favorite vacation the family enjoyed in 1962, that sort of thing.. Also you might tell about some of the favorite things dad you to say or do. One thing that I believe is not helpful is to talk about how he may be better off seeing as how sick he was (if that was the case.) That subject is best left to the bereaved closest to the deceased love one.

Grace + Peace,
Bob
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Try and behave normally around her but don't let her sink into a grief inertia, She still needs to eat sleep, bath and change clothes. Don't make her do things she does not want to do. You may think it will take her mind off things for her to get out and go to her usual gatherings. It won't. visitors are fine but dicourage long stays. If she does not want to see them just say no. Think of grief like any other condition of great change it takes a long time to work through all the stages. Tr not to make any big changes in her life for at least a year. Just be there for and cry on each other's shoulders you too have some grieving to do.
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So sorry for your loss. I am faced with the same situation; my dad passed away 18 months ago and my mom is still missing him terribly. I believe that you've found your answer in the first 5 responses. (me too!) All the above contributors did an excellent job with their responses. Time heals...love, good listening, and sweet memories also help ease the pain of losing someone so special. God bless you for spending valuable time with her now. Unfortunately, there is no quick-fix.
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Be there and listen without making judgments. There is no "BEST" way to grieve. Each of us grieves in their own way. Allow it, as it is a process that takes as much time as the person needs.
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Hugs. From as many friends and family as possible. And don't remind her. If she asks where he is, say at work, the store, bowling or whatever was normal, and distract her.

I'm deeply sorry for your loss.
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Very sorry to hear, having one parent is harder than two sometimes. You have just got your new job handed to you. When we lost my dad I basically had to take over his place, yet I have a family. I went over every weekend and wednesdays after work, called all the time, and was there for her. Sometimes when I got weak and burst into tears, she got stronger and consoled me. They were two peas in a pod and she never got over it. Its been 15 years and her dementia is so bad she doesnt remember him anymore. The strangest thing is, on their anniversary, and he was gone over 10 years, she woke up yelling his name. She barely spoke at the time, but it spooked me with a smile. I went from being there for her, to caring for her , to moving her in with me. Its been a total journey now of over 20 years of and she is still living. I feel like I lost out on a lot in my 40's and 50"s, now heading into my 60's. I love her forever, but there is so much responsibility its getting to me. I never knew getting older meant life got harder and harder and that some people (siblings) could go on and live their lives care free with visits only. My heart is so big I try and fit everyone into it , cant help it, be there for everyone is my motto. Good luck on your journey, its a long hard but rewarding road.
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Just pray with her and talk about her times with your dad, My mom also had dementia ,I'd sit and listen to all the times of her and my father times of how , when they met. It was truly a blessing on how those memories stayed in her mind and how I would see her light up and know she had someone up in heaven who was waiting for her. They're together now for 9 months, I know they're both happy. Yes missing them, and hearing and talking about my father with her not only helped her but also helped me after the lose of losing her. stay strong, God bless your mom, and you also.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I quite agree with the many suggestions already offered. I would add that tending to your grief is very important since your mom will absorb your feelings despite what you verbally say to attempt to reassure her . Hospice has grief support groups where you may pick up some skills in managing your grief and have the support from others. It may make it easier to allow your mom to grieve in her own way. When I/we are stressed its easy to misinterpret non verbal cues. As you honor your loss you will be honoring hers. Peace be with you.
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