Best way to handle anxiety?

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My dad is in between SNF and ALF. he's mostly been on a downer because of how bad he feels, but has been increasing improving --- and mentally as well. all except at about 4pm. that's when "the glass is EMPTY" and "I cant stand it" and "we have to get me OUT OF HERE".


My natural inclination is to force him back into sanity, but guess what, ...it doesn't work. only drugs help and they don't want to give him anything except after meals. so he gets an ativan after dinner but if I am not there I get a series of calls and if I don't answer, the messages are not nice. If I am there, I the best I can do is try to change the subject, which only serves to piss him off. Any suggestions? I am tired of being drained and I know even if I cant change him I can change me. what do I do to keep my own peace of mind?

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they were on the edge of it when he fell again at the ALF. it was close to vascular dementia. but it wasn't concluded......
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Linda, has your dad had an assessment for dementia/cognitive decline?
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last night my dad called me at 10pm.... he wanted to know if I took his underwear home cause he couldn't find them. today he doesn't realize what he called me for ...this Ativan must be wild!
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Great advice above. Have his primary Dr. Check the med's they need to be changed I believe their needs to be a change. I have guilt not visiting my mom everyday however I know she is well taken care of, and if she starts her hatevilness I tell her I love you, then hang up. No guilt just need to take care of myself..Bless you.
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I finally got a massage last Saturday and it really helps along with a counselor, reading self-help books (do a word search at the library on your 'subject' matter) and meds if you need it once in a while... or vitamins...
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My best advise is to speak with his physician. Nursing homes often over prescribe psychotropic medications but sometimes it is necessary. Be patient with him, don't take it personally as his anxiety is not something you have created. His physician can best understand his behaviors and it helps if you can relay what you are seeing.
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As eyerishlass said, you don't have to be your dad's whipping post. Other than talking with his doctor about his meds, there's no reason at all for you to react to your dad's sundowning rages. Let him leave the messages. Delete them without listening to them. Sounds harsh, but it's self preservation. How can you continue to be a support for him if you allow yourself to be beaten down by his nightly tantrums? Let the staff at the SNF take care of him. They've seen it all before and know how to deal. You just keep telling yourself it's not him, it's the ALZ and don't let yourself be bullied by his disease.
Also, as you've observed, trying to re-orient an ALZ patient to reality (sanity) is a pointless exercise. I know it's tempting. What's been proven to be most effective is entering their reality. That's easier said than done. I have to bite my tongue when my dad paints a different reality of our family history, but the one thing that's more frustrating than that is trying to get him to believe the actual facts.
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Is this Sundowners? Most posts say ativan isnt good. I have been on this stuff myself, and did not know that about ativan. All I use if for is anxiety. I will try not to use it too much. Thank You.
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Google ativan. It's not good for patients with alzheimers - it affects your body but does not calm down brain.
Talk to doctors and try all other meds until you find what works best.
Try to use herbal teas and organic essential oils couple hours BEFORE anxiety takes over and see if it makes difference.
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Really nice reading all of the fantastically helpful advice for daughterlinda this morning! Wish you well, dl.
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