What's the best way to grieve the loss of your loved one, in my case my father?

dddggg, my husband died a month ago and I was confused, too. My grief did not take the form I expected. I cried once. I get choked up sometimes. My biggest symptom is cognitive impairment -- lordy, I can't remember anything for ten minutes. I have looked down at the insulin pen in my hand and wondered if I'd just given myself a short of if I still had to do it! Yikes! That is getting a little better, but it is still there. If others hadn't assured me this is common in bereavement I'd be worried about dementia.

I took care of my husband with dementia for years, and I mourned as I lost him bit by bit. My father died fifteen years ago, suddenly. I cried for him exactly once, alo -- and it was several months after his death.

I think that some of us are criers and some of us are not. I doubt very much that lack of crying indicates insensitivity.

The grieving process is different for each of us. If you have cared for a loved one for aany length of time, you've probably been grieving in bits and pieces as their health deteriorated. I have friends who have grieved for months before a parent's death and were calm and at peace when they finally passed. Yet others in the same situation grieved like it was a sudden, unexpected death.

Just don't rush through what you consider a normal grief; there is nothing normal about it. After all the things that must be gotten through those first few months after a loss, you may find yourself staring grief in the face agin. That is what happened to me. Mother was beyond grief and my two sisters were not in much better shape. I just took care of everything and really had no time for my own feelings after the first week or so.

My Dad passed away 25 years ago of a sudden heart attack. Very unexpected and devastating to all of his family. After experiencing the lingering decline of other family members and my own Mother, sudden death is the way to go. It is hard on the family but for the person it is a true blessing.

I do believe our reaction to death is firmly seated in the depth of our belief in God or whatever higher power you believe in.

I just lost my father and I am confused. I cried at his hospital bed but now, after the funeral, I feel numb, and have no urge to cry. I keep reading about people needing to cry all the time but I don't feel this. Am I cold and insensitive or just emotionally constipated? I miss him and wish here were here, but I often feel he is in a far better place than here

I recently loss my 68 year old dad to bacterial pneumonia and I am devastated and at the same time I'm still in shock that this happened. It was almost 3 weeks ago. I can genuinely say, that in the past I did not truly understand anyone's loss of a parent prior to this. Now that I have gone through this experience, I can say my heart goes out to each and everyone of you that has lived this reality. My empathy is there 100%. 10-29-12

That was beautifully stated, sylvester. I lost my dad many years ago due to Alz. I knew he was going to die but it didn't make it any less traumatic to lose him. We will be together again one day I truly believe.
Jaye, you are going to grieve, weep, and be sad, it's the natural way. Please know that all of these emotions are ok to have. You and your mom can have a good cry and then, through tears, you both my laugh at being reminded of something funny your dad once did. That's happened to me so many times. I still miss my dad even to this day, he was such a sweet father. Just take one day at a time. What a lucky man your dad was to have had a wife and daughter who loved him so much.

My Dad has been gone since October 4th, 2005 and I still miss him and become sad when I think he isn't here to talk to...BUT, I have hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ that I will once again be reunited with my Dad and in that place there will never be a "separation period" called death EVER again.

Jaye, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother and I have an idea of how painful it feels to you. It sounds like you dearly loved your father and you two had a great relationship. My only advice would be to allow yourself to cry and cry for as long and as much as you need to . Let it out. I believe that this facilitates the grieving process. You can do this in private. I feel it is important to release the emotions that you are feeling. You can wail out loud to God, to your father , whatever. And your poor mother too----what a loss she is feeling. My heart goes out to all of you. Time does help to heal our hearts, but it does hurt so much to lose a loved one. You are reminding me to pay loving attention to my father while I still have him here. God bless....

Thank You, yes I am trying to take care of my Mom... bless her heart yesterday she said to me, "Half of me is gone." My parents were married nearly 63 years and she is feeling somewhat lost. My sisters and all the grandchildren were here for the funeral but, they have gone home. I just keep telling myself that it is a process, but my heart aches!!!

Oh Jaye, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think the answers are as individual as we are. Does talking about it help you? Call up friends. Post messages here. Does "doing" things help? Get back to work or volunteer or get out and do something. That won't be the answer for me, but it is for some people.

Tell us more about your dad here if you want.

I dread the day I walk the path you're walking. Perhaps those who have walked it will have more to offer you. But I am sorry that your dad is gone and that you're so sad. Take care.

I don't know why you're trying to rush yourself through the grief. Is it because you're also taking care of your mother and you feel like you need to 'get going and get on with life'? Give yourself permission to grieve, otherwise it'll come back and bite you in the butt at some other time. Take solace with any other family members that are also sad. Rejoice in how long you had your dad with you in the first place. God bless, and sorry about your loss.