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I took care of my husband with dementia for years, and I mourned as I lost him bit by bit. My father died fifteen years ago, suddenly. I cried for him exactly once, alo -- and it was several months after his death.
I think that some of us are criers and some of us are not. I doubt very much that lack of crying indicates insensitivity.
Just don't rush through what you consider a normal grief; there is nothing normal about it. After all the things that must be gotten through those first few months after a loss, you may find yourself staring grief in the face agin. That is what happened to me. Mother was beyond grief and my two sisters were not in much better shape. I just took care of everything and really had no time for my own feelings after the first week or so.
My Dad passed away 25 years ago of a sudden heart attack. Very unexpected and devastating to all of his family. After experiencing the lingering decline of other family members and my own Mother, sudden death is the way to go. It is hard on the family but for the person it is a true blessing.
I do believe our reaction to death is firmly seated in the depth of our belief in God or whatever higher power you believe in.
Jaye, you are going to grieve, weep, and be sad, it's the natural way. Please know that all of these emotions are ok to have. You and your mom can have a good cry and then, through tears, you both my laugh at being reminded of something funny your dad once did. That's happened to me so many times. I still miss my dad even to this day, he was such a sweet father. Just take one day at a time. What a lucky man your dad was to have had a wife and daughter who loved him so much.
Tell us more about your dad here if you want.
I dread the day I walk the path you're walking. Perhaps those who have walked it will have more to offer you. But I am sorry that your dad is gone and that you're so sad. Take care.