I need help, fast; and nothing is working. Pop does not want any help at all. I am at the breaking point. We've tried caregivers from several agencies; they come for a day or two; sit and play games on their phones; ignore Pop or have no interest in him; and I tell the agency not to send them back. I am running out of agencies to ask to help us. It is extremely hard to trust outsiders; even harder to battle with Pop to let them in; and I have absolutely no knowledge of how to set up a schedule of what to have them do. Besides the fact that when they do try to get Pop up; he refuses for several hours; and they just stand there. I don't know how to delegate or assign things to do. I am a total prisoner in the house; I can barely leave to go to the store. Pop is getting weak and is starting to fall again; and I won't leave him alone.
I have absolutely no "real" friends in the world; online friends yes; but not a single person out there to even go have a burger with. I can't cope alone any more.
I'm scared to death. Our house is a cluttered; hoarded, 50 year mess; with Pop saying "don't touch anything" and his famous "we'll take care of it tomorrow". Tomorrow never comes; 10 years I have been in the house with him, 24/7; and every box is still where I set it when I came back home. I feel like a guest; there is no place for my things.
I've been off work, permanently; on disability for severe depression, anxiety; panic attacks; etc for 14 years. Its hard enough as it is to even get myself out of bed; I no longer have any motivation; because it seems like nothing matters.
I have no hope for a happy future; I am totally overwhelmed; all I see is that everything has been put on me; and I have no clue what I am doing.
My own talk therapist now makes a weekly home visit; as I can barely get myself out the door; much less won't leave Pop alone when he is weak and falling.
He refuses to get out of bed; I can barely get him to eat. A shower is a very rare event; I can't even get him up long enough to change his sheets.
All his relatives are 3000 miles away. A second cousin came once in 10 years; for 3 days; called her dad and told him we need help. He has offered to fly out; gather up all the paperwork; unpaid taxes; uncashed dividend checks, etc and sort it all out; but he says I must make him a joint Power of Attorney; and he says we are not to go through Pops attorney for it. Pop has a large will/trust; which I know nothing about; nor understand. I know Pop trusts his nephew; but I am not sure if by-passing the attorney is going to leave us vulnerable to lose everything; "if" something were to ever happen; or if I should have Pops attorney hire some financial people to help us. It is a HUGE mess.
I try to do some things; but with Pop completely resisting it all; I give up hope and just go back to bed.
I tried to hire a Care Manager; and right away she brought a fiduciary; who also wanted to be written right into Pop's trust.
I am overwhelmed; I don't know how everyone learns what to do in all these situations; but I am alone and scared and I don't know who to trust.
We are paying out of pocket for all help. Pop does not want to be placed in any type of facility; and I did see that was also in his Trust; that he is to always have help at home.
His doctors say he is not incompetant; so I really cannot force him to do much.
It seems like all I do is nag him to change his diapers; mop up pee around the toilet; follow behind him in the kitchen and clean up the spilled sugar all over the floor every hour when he makes a cup of coffee.
We have Meals on Wheels; and order other food to be delivered to eat.
He's starting dementia; he has prostate cancer; he's in the bathroom every 15 minutes; he doesn't realize he's even wet and has to be told to change his diaper; then he yells and says he's not wet. All I get lately is resistance. He works a little better with a caregiver or an outsider than he is with me. It hurts my heart that our relationship is turning this way. He constantly says he loves me; but being isolated it a pitch dark; silent house; is not love, to me. It's like solitary confinement in a morgue. I did not realize that 10 years had slipped by; while I quietly obeyed his wishes; and waited for "tomorrow". We've been in the house; together; for so long; there's really not much to talk about.
He's got MCI; mild cognitive impairment; and has lost his ability to reason things out; to initiate anything; he even can't initiate a conversation or say hello to me. I hear him breathing at my doorway; but he waits for me to say something; or he just walks away.
I miss the dad I had; we had a good relationship and enjoyed activities together; but little by little; our life has disappeared.
I don't know how to even go out and say "here I am world; I need a friend". How does someone go meet people when they can barely leave the house; and where would I find a friend?
I don't know where to turn any more