What is the best way to get a caregiver their own assistance?


10 years ago my parents had my then 81 year old grandmother move in with them. She was an outgoing older woman who just needed a little more looking after than she was able to do in her own apartment. Now in her mid 90's my grandmother needs quite a bit of care, likes to play the victim, loves getting attention, and takes pride in rewriting history to suit herself. This drives my mother NUTS. They have always been very close, but with that closeness, they also know how to push each others buttons.

I do not live in the same city, so my ability to help with caring for my grandmother has been limited. My biggest issue is that my mom wants to give me all of the updates on how awful my grandmother is. I know that she is a difficult old lady - she was difficult when she was in her 70's too! - but she is still my grandmother. It breaks my heart to hear some of the things they say to each other and I find myself trying to stay away to keep the peace. How do I convince my mother to get involved in a support group or talk to a professional about her struggles? I don't like making my mother upset, but I don't like piling on to my grandma either.

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Make sure your mom knows about AC! Also, ask mom if she expects things to change. Has she thought about her own health and how caregiving might be affecting her? Is she planning to do this for another 10 years? What are her plans for her own old age?
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Capitol, your Mom needs someone to vent to, because with being a Caregiver you lose most of your friends who are not Caregivers, thus they don't understand what she is going thought. She cannot call other Caregivers because time is limited, and they are always busy.

As for your Mom finding a support group, good luck. Those are far and few between because Caregivers do NOT have any free time to attend. And talking to a professional doesn't always help because the demands never changes, it only gets worse. Some professionals will tell someone to remove themselves from the situation, how does one remove themselves from their own aging Mom? Unless your Grandmother moves into a continuing care facility, but the stress is still there for your Mom worrying if her Mom is getting good care, is she scared living there, etc.

Use this venting time by your Mom as a learning experience... you might be the next in line to take care of your parents when they get much older.

And why not volunteer to take a full week to care for your Grandmother yourself, thus letting your parents get a breather, like taking a trip. When was the last time they even got out of the house together? I know for myself I haven't been on a vacation in over 6 years, or seen a movie, or dined out.
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