10 years ago my parents had my then 81 year old grandmother move in with them. She was an outgoing older woman who just needed a little more looking after than she was able to do in her own apartment. Now in her mid 90's my grandmother needs quite a bit of care, likes to play the victim, loves getting attention, and takes pride in rewriting history to suit herself. This drives my mother NUTS. They have always been very close, but with that closeness, they also know how to push each others buttons.
I do not live in the same city, so my ability to help with caring for my grandmother has been limited. My biggest issue is that my mom wants to give me all of the updates on how awful my grandmother is. I know that she is a difficult old lady - she was difficult when she was in her 70's too! - but she is still my grandmother. It breaks my heart to hear some of the things they say to each other and I find myself trying to stay away to keep the peace. How do I convince my mother to get involved in a support group or talk to a professional about her struggles? I don't like making my mother upset, but I don't like piling on to my grandma either.