Is it best to care for my Mom at home? Overwhelmed....

I put anti-anxiety meds on the list of questions for my care manger in AZ to work on with her doctors at the nursing facility while we prep for this trip....no, I don't think she's had any such thing before. I'm not sure how the doctors will react. I'm also not sure if she should take something OTC, given that she'll also be fairly nauseous?

She is okay with the wheelchair; she's been using one at the nursing facility. She herself had a conversation with the PT there about how she could probably use an on-board wheelchair to get from the plane door to her seat, rather than her walker....I was pretty pleased that she was gathering info like that. She tends to overanalyze things to the nth degree and sometimes get stuck on irrelevant factors, but having so many people involved in her life these days seems to be a healthy balance to that.

Thank you!

Sometimes anti-anxiety meds backfire; it is an uncommon and idiosyncratic thing (i.e. you can't predict it), so trying one for the first time for travel might not be a great idea.

Greetings from Phoenix! I read the answers to this question with great interest. You are doing a terrific job. Just concentrate on getting your mom out to Maryland. The flight will be long, even the nonstop. But it sounds like your mom will do just fine. It's great to have all the input and explore every possible scenario. But you're right - at some point you just have to say you did your best planning and anticipating and now you just have to move forward. I have found that all the "textbook" answers sometimes don't match reality. The bottom line is that we are all doing our best with good intentions, an honest heart, and the great input found on this board. Do not second guess yourself. Go with your gut and give yourself a hug for everything you are doing to take care of your mom!

I have not had an experience to help you. However, it sounds like you have absorbed the advice that was relevant for you, putting it to use as best you can. I would like you to know that even though you have a week yet, it will go by fast. My prayers are with you and your boys. You are a great example to them to show this depth of love for Grandma. May you all be blessed by the experience! (((((hugs)))))

Thank you for the hugs and the positive feedback. It's really appreciated! I'm going to set up the new Ikea mattress for my mother now, and I do it feeling comforted.

freq flyer where do you fly that they go through your purse? I fly nationally and internationally frequently and everything just goes on conveyer belt through scanners. my carry on tote is never looked through and just scanned as well. Never say never. When one has to do something because its the rules, amazing how people comply. Tell her everything that is going to happen ahead of time.

It is doable. She'll need an OT and a PT to come to the house. Does her coverage have that? The worst thing is for her to sit around getting weaker and stiffer. Adult Daycare through Goodwill, would give everyone a break from each other. Get HEADPHONES for her TV. Or a portable kids DVD player with headphones. Explain to the family that grandma will be here for Xmonths, and that this is how the routines will be different, and what is expected of them when they agree to pitch in. It could COULD be a wonderful experience for everyone. But set up schedules, limits and expectations ahead of time. It is a treasure for kids to learn compassion and how to give love in service to another. At least you have the AL ready for the future, so you know it won't be forever. Get mom used to waiting for her needs to be met. Explain that you don't have the staff of a nursing home or AL, and that this schedule posted large on her wall, shows when you are available to her, and when you are NOT (except in an emergency). (Otherwise you'll go Crazy!)

bring her home. you only have one chance to it it right. at least try it.surrounded by loving family is better than a facility. you boys will learn good values.

One more question that I just thought of.

While a wheelchair will get your mother to the airplane door,are airplane aisle wide enough for her to use a walker and will her seat be near the front so that she does not have to walk too far?

The last time that I flew across country, I don't remember the aisle being very wide.

What does she WANT to do? AL is best if you are not sure. Call them often, sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease at AL. Also call your county services. If you are in the DC area in particular they are excellent. There is transportation, day care and help with financials of home help available.

An update....things are going very well. The airplane trip with my mother went very very smoothly. My mother was a trooper; carefully took her meds for nauseau and anxiety and kept eating and drinking so she'd stay strong. TSA has a mobilty assistance program for travelers with mobility issues. An incredibly nice TSA agent in a reassuring uniform wheeled my mother through the x-ray section, and even sat with her while I returned our rental car. Absolutely no problems with the trip. The on-board chair to carry my mother to her seat was helpful; the airline moved the passenger in the window seat of our aisle so she didn't have to get up.

She's been with us for a month now, and she's doing much better than she was in the skilled nursing facility. As someone pointed out to me, the ratio for her care is now much lower....there were so many patients in the facility, and at my house she's one of three people who need help. She's stabilizing here. We have a routine down for when she needs cream of wheat and a scrambled egg, etc. She's starting to take over more of her needs now.....yesterday I showed her how to use the microwave. She's moving around in her walker a lot as well. The physical therapist is working on having her go down the steps so we can actually have her leave the house. I have a goal for an outing next week to a nearby arboretum for a drive-through.

We haven't heard much yet about how long the wait will be for the assisted living facility of our choice, but that's fine. If it becomes too long we'll consider other plans. We're adjusting as things go. My mother's possessions are en-route now. We're making longer term plans for caregivers in the house, hopefully one person who can adjust a schedule to ours and sometimes stay overnight....I want to go camping with my kids this summer! So far I've been able to get out a little when we've gone over the routine, she has her emergency button, or the home health aide or a volunteer elder sitter from my neighborhood came by.

My kids are doing all right with it. I got us all a bigger TV to compensate for the move of our "den" to the downstairs floor....although we all like it better down there anyway. At first my kids avoided being around my mother entirely, but that's stopping. She's pretty quiet, and they say that they're getting kind of used to having her around. She's actually rather pleasant at dinnertime each day...she comments on the birds she sees out the window.

I'm a little antsy with the constant presence and hyper-awareness of all the details of my life...my mother comments on how long I leave the milk out, etc. But I think it's going quite well, overall. We still have a lot of work to do on working out the new insurance, the new pharmacy, getting my mother new glasses, etc.....but I think the first phase of transition to this new era for my family is going really well.

Thank you for thinking of us, everyone. Happy Memorial Day.

That's wonderful. I'm glad things are working out. You are doing a beautiful job.

Wow - well done!

Congratulations!!