Hi everyone,
I need some advice on creating a plan of action for my 69 year old father. I want to preface that he is deaf (genetically, not due to age) and that he has a handful of medical issues as well as signs of dementia/alzheimer’s. I am only 23 and don’t have other family members who would be willing to help, my father is able to support himself through social security and disability but he has been a victim to a lot of online scams as well as friends taking advantage of his financial willingness so he has lost a good chunk of money through those. I’m currently staying with him at his house, but it’s not a sustainable environment, he has a lot of hoarded items and doesn’t clean, he also neglects his own personal hygiene allowing it to get to a point of not cleaning himself after accidents. I have attempted to get in touch with his doctors, but haven’t really been able to communicate with them about my concerns. I have been recommended to call APS but I’m not sure how that would work with me living here with him, as well as how much of his independency will be removed. I’m kind of at my wits end as I am trying to figure out the best approach to getting my father some additional support at home but also what roles I should take on for him.
You are enabling this by living in a hoarded home with him. You need to leave the premises and then call APS to do a wellness check on him. You mention robbing him of his independence. That won't happen. If APS assesses him as no danger to himself, and living in clean enough circumstances, they will not interfer and you can check on him and call as needed to have another wellness check.
The option to sacrifice your OWN life by living in squalor with an either stubborn or mentally ill or demented man (we can't know unless there is some forced assessment) is, to me, not a viable option for you.
I personally would contact social services for your county to discuss options and where to start to help him. sp196902 is correct in pointing out that he is *not* independent if he's soiling himself and getting scammed. If he truly does have dementia, he will only get worse and require more care. He needs more help than you can give him, starting with an accurate diagnosis.
Hoarding is a disorder that commonly appears with dementia, but it is also a separate mental health issue brought on by trauma. You won't be able to "fix" his hoarding behavior without the help of a professional. You won't be able to manage his financial affairs without being his FPoA. You won't be able to make decisions in his own best interests medically without being his MPoA. And, you're too young to take on this very serious burden. This is why you should contact a social worker.
You’re so young to be a caregiver! This has to be devastating for you. Your dad sounds like he needs a great deal of care.
Contact Council on Aging in his area. Ask them to do an assessment of his needs. They can help guide you in the proper direction.
Best wishes to you and your father.