What is the best way to approach a paranoid, elderly parent to seek treatment for suspected Alzheimer's/dementia?
Our 82 year old mother has been going through worsening dementia that started almost three years ago. She believes that her old neighbors (she has since moved) are out to get her. They come to her house and throw rocks at her windows, play music on her balcony, put dirt on her car, etc. She even believes that the ex-neighbor has convinced the man downstairs to move in with him, so she can harass my mother more easily! She often describes laughter directed at her because her old neighbors are getting the best of her. The police has also been called numerous times to 'catch' these people in the 'act'. She is angry, judgmental, has a flat personality, hangs up on her sons, and trusts no one. She thought the couple who lives on the end of the building were in her condo when she went out! We have suggested taking her to get checked out, but she violently refuses. When we express doubt in her auditory and visual hallucinations she lashes out. She still lives by herself (and is still driving). We believe she can benefit from therapy, and most likely, medicine. Question is.....how do we go about getting her to a doctor without alienating her from the family, or causing her paranoia to completely take over?
She doesn't need a doctor as much as she needs a family who will take away her car keys, arrange assisted living for her and keep her safe.
I wouldn't waste time arguing with her about her visions and craziness. You won't convince her of anything. Just try and deal with her reality. Tell her anything she's wants to hear to keep her calm. You may have to use a little trickery to get her to a doctor. Or wait till she has a real injury or health crisis. If her mental state is this confused and paranoid she should probably be on some sort of calming meds.
With my Dad who has dementia and is stubborn about going to the docs, we don't even discuss it with him, we just make the appointment and mom yells at him "YOURE GOING TO BE LATE FOR YOUR DR APPOINTMENT! He says HUH! Yea Dad we talked about it. And off he goes. Works most of the time.
Will she go for a ride in the car with you, say out to lunch? Can you "stop by" the doctor's afterwards ?
Another really strange thing and I never tried it with my mom because she would NEVER try it, was putting coconut oil, a tablespoon a day, in coffee, tea, or oatmeal, and it supposedly helps with dementia and making them feel more calm and in control of their mind. My friend did this to her mom and it was amazing. I got caught trying and OH BOY!
As far as your mother's hallucinations, as I have learned from others on this site, just let her know you "understand" your mother and let her know you are going to "look into it" for her, so she feels safe. It sometimes works like a charm.