According to Drs and SW says she is with it. But there days that I don't want to get up in the morning. If she doesn't get her way she pouts and treats me meanly. I got her into an Adult Day Care 2 days a week that helped a little. I was taking care of 2 mothers in the same for 10 + years. As long as my mother-in-law was a live mom did not contribute any money to the household, now that she has passed away 5 years ago. So I requested my mom to contribute to pay some bills. And now she throws it up in my face about her helping us. She doesn't realize that we are helping her by letting her to live here. After dad died she sold the house and moved into a 55+ trailer home village and instead of paying bills she would by trinkets and always go to fast food restaurants and found out from neighbors they would inform me that they were bring food to her because she didn't have money. And found out that her driving was getting bad. So my Brother and I decided to have her move in with one of us. I would take her in the winter months and he would take the summer months(he lives up north where it is cold).

Well of course that didn't work and I got her fulltime. I'll buy her special foods that she wants that was getting expensive so I asked her to pitch in. So when I tell her no because she doesn't have the money, she will huff away and talk under her breathe putting me down and making me feel like sh*t. Then with that she starts crying and apologizes for treating me like sh*t. For some reason she thinks we have a money tree. Because she always want to spend I've taken her CC from her and give her an allowance. Because of all her wants we got behind on our bills and now facing foreclosure. How do I get her to understand that she doesn't need to spend so much money. I feel guilty telling her no.

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I suggest you make an appointment for you both to tour a facility (or two), just to let her know that it's possible you may need relief in caring for her. The ALF in my area allows residents to stay for one month if desired, as a vacation (for family) or as a 'get acquainted' time for your mom. It's very pricey, so it would help your mom realize that paying her share at your house, is much better! Hope this helps keep mom in line. Good luck.😀
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Reply to Tiger55

"So my Brother and I decided to have her move in with one of us. I would take her in the winter months and he would take the summer months(he lives up north where it is cold). Well of course that didn't work and I got her fulltime." Did your brother dump his mother at your doorstep? Why did your brother bail on his end of the bargain?

With all that's on your plate I would think that you would have bigger things to worry about than telling your mother "No".

How far along in the foreclosure are you? The earlier on in the foreclosure process you are the more options you have to make a deal with your lender to avoid foreclosure. But that's only if you determine that you can afford your house. If you never will be able to make the payments then it's time to figure out where you are going to live and whether or not you can afford to take your mother with you.
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Reply to NYDaughterInLaw

"With it" is not a technical term.

My mother's Internist thought she was fine. She was demonstrably NOT fine and a neurocognitive assessment showed that. An MRI showed that she'd had a stroke.

Your mother is demonstrating cognitive decline. She can no longer reason as an adult (she sounds just as demanding as a 3 year old who doesn't understand where money comes from, doesn't she?)

Ignore her tantrums and putdowns if you can and get her qualified for Medicaid. Have you looked into food stamps for her?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
JoAnn29 May 26, 2019
She is living with them. According to paperwork I get from Medicaid for my nephew, everyone in the household has to be receiving food stamps. When he lived with Mom, she also had to apply for him to be able to receive it. Mom didn't qualify.

Now if Mom no longer lives with them and is on her own, she can apply.
Its time for you and husband to sit her down and be blunt. Tell her she must contribute. That its her responsibility to buy what she needs. That if she can spend money on junk, she can buy her meds and special foods. Tell her if u lose your house, she will not be going with you to a new one. I would make her SW aware of everything. Tell her she will need to find Mom a place she can afford and maybe a payee to handle her money. You financially cannot care for her.

Your are the 2nd person who has mentioned that a SW has said someone does not have Dementia. Are SWs really trained to know how to determine this? I don't think so. It takes testing by a neurologist, at least, to make this determination. Even a PCP can suspect but should send the patient to a specialist for testing.
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Reply to JoAnn29

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