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This is a follow up to a previous question, I did break him of coming over 5 days a week by getting a job out of town. But on the 2 days I'm off he still expects the same treatment and I've unwillingly and inadvertently given it to him. He does not need help mentally or physically. He does not want to move in with us anymore, but we are planning to move to a city an hour away. Anytime I mention this, he says I need to wait a few years til he dies. His dad lived to be 81. I cannot live another decade in this town. The city offers more oppurtunities for my kids and ourselves wanting to start owning multiple income properties. Everything I say he shoots down. He says the kids don't need extra things to do, he had nothing in his day. He cries and says he'll be all alone if we move, but refuses to change ANYTHING about his life. He just wants things to stay as they are til he dies and when the water works come on I relent. He has helped me my whole life with money, generously given without expecting to be paid back and he will pick up kids for me once in a while. I love my dad, but I cannot live here another "few years" I just dont know what to do. He runs his own business, works 1 hour a day then complains he's bored but anything I suggest he's just like NOPE. I feel ungrateful for all he's done when I think of just putting my foot down because thats how he makes me feel.

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The more you give, the more they want. They start to expect help for every little thing, even if they are capable. You are his daughter. He needs to treat you like his daughter, not paid help.

Move forward in your life and best wishes to you and your family. Live your life. You can never go back and do it over. We don’t have a time machine.
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Yes, you are right, its ridiculous to wait til he dies....that could be a year it could be 15. He says it will only be a couple more but he doesnt know that no one does. I have decided to not tell him anymore like you said and just wait til we have finalized on a house up there. Theres just no other way to do it. He will argue til hes blue in the face so its best to ask forgivess then permission in this case. It is very hard especially as he has isolated himself from everyone but me. Refuses to make friends, go out, and is atheist so church not an option.
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It's hard when we've allowed the manipulation to go on for SO long and THEN we try to put our foot down & say No More. Right? Unfortunately, that's what has to happen in order for your dad to 'get it'......that he's only 71 years old and can easily live another twenty years or more, so you're not going to 'wait till he dies' before you move on with YOUR life.

Make your plans and THEN let dad know what you'll be doing. It's not necessary for you to live in the same town with him, especially since he doesn't even need any help! Let him know you'll still be seeing him and planning lots of visits, etc, and that you're not abandoning him, just starting out on a new leg of YOUR journey.

The key, in my opinion and experience, is to TELL dad what's happening AFTER the plans are finalized. Don't tell him what's happening while it's going on, or share the details, because all that does is beg for him to argue.

And finally, nobody can 'make' you feel any way without your consent. Don't buy into the guilt or the manipulation any longer, and just be honest and up front with your dad. He can take it or leave it. My money is on him taking it.........he'd just like to have his cake and eat it too, he's not likely to disown you! He's just grumbling about losing the ability to do as HE sees fit!

Good luck!
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He is 71? I am 77. He is relatively young. Sounds strong. Could boss you around another 20 years or so if you want him to.
Seems he has either trained you in your behavior and acceptance and you are unable to grow up enough to move away from that training and have a life, or you are training HIM in this behavior by reinforcing that it does work.
You don't have to put your FOOT down. Just gently and with love explain that you love him, that he has been kind and generous with you and you appreciate it very much, and you love his input, but you are now grown up and will have to make your own decisions. Tell him that you are trying to be an independent woman, which is what he would understand life will require of you. Smile sweetly and do as you please. This is YOUR feelings and your behavior and your choices. Your dad is clearly independent . It is time for you now to be the same. Break the cord, but do it with love and gentleness. And remember, a sweet smile drives them nuts!
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First, how can he own a business and only work an hour. Is he letting someone else run it? Not good. He needs to keep his hands in.

There is another thread going similar to this. Husband got an offer he can't refuse. Children are small so will adapted. Parents moved to be near them and are mad they are considering leaving. The parents are around your Dads age. Most of the responses were, take the offer.

I have done a lot for my one daughter. Been there when she needed xtra money. Helped with College. Helped raise one son and get those called "can u pick up M from school" or take him for the night. But at 70 I would not stand in her way if she had to move for a better job. Yes, I still have my DH but ur Dad is not too old to have another relationship. You cannot be his everything. Its not healthy for you its not healthy for him. I would not bring up the subject of moving till you are. When the house is under contract and you have an idea where you will be living.

Please don't consider him living near you or with you. You need and deserve your own life. Keep those Boundries.
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He has a unique skill in that he buikds saddle trees. The frame of a saddle for a horse. He has a few orders at a time so he just kind of drags it out. He also goes to bed at 6 am and wakes up noon, complains he has no time in the day for anything. He sends me to the store for him, ge wont get a haircut, he hates new anything. Movies shows books, wont take on an animal. I know that what he really wants is for me to be available to him 24 7. But everyone is right, i just cant do that.
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Please don’t put your life on hold for your dad. He will manage. Call him, visit when possible and invite him for visits if you like.
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You are an adult, no need to share your ideas with him unless you are wanting money from him, then it becomes his business.

Might be time to cut the strings, move forward with your life, no more financial support from him, you either sink or swim on your own.

Tell him that you are moving and be done with it. He can either stay where he is, or move into IL/AL closer to where you will be residing.
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I should have been clearer that in my twenties he helped me out finacially alot but now he does noy need too. He did lend me 5000 for lipo but was promptly paid back the next month. I could have lived without it, it wasnt something I HAD to have. All bills are taken care of without him. So everyone is right, i know its ridiculous to let him control me. Hes not a bad guy, he just isnt thinking of how things are now at days.
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You don't need your father's permission to move house. I assume you won't need him to finance you, either?

So what are you waiting for? Make your plans and move. He will then have to adapt to the change, because the change will have happened; and he will manage, just as he did when you "retrained" him by taking on a job that occupied more of your time. He'll be fine.

He may even be better than he is now. More incentive to widen his local social circle, plus the occasional trip up to the city. Sounds good!
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He hates driving. Has told me absolutely will not do the drive. I mean it when i say he shoots literally EVERYTHING down. 😭
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Start making plans to move and let your dad know it's happening, he will need to adjust.

Tell him senior living in your new area is an option, and if he refuses, then it's his choice to live an hour away from you.

Turn the tables. Your dad has lived his life without restriction, remind him of that and start making plans. You do not need his permission.
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