Being shadowed while trying to cook dinner. Very aggravated. Any advice?

Hi I think the idea of getting your Dad to do the work while YOU sit is a nice one. You could do the cutting stuff on a TV tray and leave him to do other things. You'd have to possibly change the kinds of meals you make to make it easier for him. It needn't be every day. You could have a 'chef's' roster. My dementia friend refuses to do dishes till they run screaming out of the house themselves. But when I go to visit, he jumps up eager to do them because he has company and it makes the task bearable. Also, you might try writing out your recipes in copious detail and get him to sit and read them out to you while you're busy. Or get him to make a list of recipe changes/ alternatives while you're busy, e.g. you could be making a pizza and ask him to make a list of alternative toppings to be tried next time. 'Ring the changes.' I, for instance, have started using packet onion soup in my spagbol and it is a great alternative to wine or beer. Make it 'the creative hour'. Which brings to mind another idea, just that. Make cooking time the time when he must sit and come up with x number of creative things to do. Today, Dad, we're going to think about ways to make the kitchen more user-friendly and you're going to write all these things down while I'm busy.

Could you get him set up in another room to do some other task for you? Fold towels, sort something, "help" you with a puzzle you're stuck on...some small task that will keep him occupied while you can go make dinner? Can he set the table? Water the plants? Take out the garbage? You get the idea...that's what I'd try.

Can he still read? Maybe he could read the paper to you? My mom doesn't have Alzheimers, but has no short-term memory. So she'll ask me the same question 5X in 5 minutes. I don't live with her, so you're a saint in my book to be able to deal with it day in and day out! My mom can still read very well. Maybe you could ask your dad to read you some poems or read the newspaper or something like that? I'm just trying to think of something creative...Or could you ask him to tell you a story about his childhood? Give him a new topic each time?

Save towels for him to fold. Socks to match. Plastic bags to roll up and put in another plastic bag. Potatoes to peel. Veggies to cut up for crudités. "I've got nothing you can help me with for dinner tonight, dad, but how about sitting over there and keeping me company?"

Find little things he can do to help you at dinner time. Sitting in that chair by the window. It would be a great kindness to him if you could.

Get a little table or T.V. tray, sit him down with a bowl of something: peas to pod, berries to sort, grapes to seed. Something done by hand, no knives or peelers.
He is now the sous chef, ask him to tell you if something is burning.

Poor Dad- he just wants to be needed. I think that's one of the biggest factors of old age and limited mobility - men and women who were the parents who cared for their little ones for years no longer can even take care of themselves. It must be so humiliating and devastating.

When you have a few moments, jot down everything you do to prepare a meal and think if there's a way he can help. Get out the plates, silverware, even if it is ahead of time. Get out the ingredients for whatever you're making? Help clean up afterwards?

I think the key is finding some way to delegate your mealtime preparations so that he can help. You may need to be creative, but he'll enjoy it so much and feel so grateful.... and worthwhile, validated, and needed.

That's a good idea too. My dad doesn't have dementia, but he is set in his ways. He has a tendency to be rather anxious when he's waiting for something. He will sometimes stand over me while he waits. It drives me nuts. I just say, "Daddy, please don't stand over me while I look for that statement. It's too unnerving. I'll come and get you when I find it." He complies. I don't think it hurts his feelings. He sometimes forgets and I have to remind him to not stand over me while I look for something.

Cc, My patience wears thin sometimes and things like that get on my nerves big time. Like today I took mom to the grocery store and mom who has AD is so slow and examines every tomato for 5 minutes. Anyway, giving him another chore is a good idea or sometimes I know what they are about to do and suggest they stand right here under foot and I go to another spot. It's hard when I'm tired, but I try to make little jokes and keep my sense of humor.

hhmm, ok I'll give it some thought, re: meal-related task, but I am a doubter there. I work in a triangle of space, mainly refridg, sink, stove. I don't want him in that triangle. The other corner is the chair. It's a director's chair, and no table. I really think my question is actually what can we do with him and that chair and me making dinner. Four ideas so far I'm going to try. Best for me is him reading the newspaper there. He will tell me so many parts, it's almost like reading it to me. There might be more ideas. He could write something. I was going to write down what we eat, on a calendar (to know what to repeat and get new ideas). I could see if he wants to do that for me.

I like the previous idea about prepping fruit or veggies. However, that can be done on one's lap with a plastic bowl or pan, tray, platic bowl in a dishpan, etc, Also, it doesn't have to be for the current meal but for a later snack or the next day. It can be easy or harder, pulling grapes off stems, stems off cherries, peeling easy fruits like those small mandarin oranges.

Other lap type jobs could be opening up mail with a letter opener. It could be more junk type mail if you are concerned about it getting damaged or lost, cutting coupons with safety scissors, looking through grocery ads and circling good things on sale, listening to radio or tv program together depending on hearing level.

Also have you considered meals on wheels for some or all of you, or a family sized frozen meal such as lasagna, etc, from a good brand, so cooking is basically putting it in the oven and maybe a bagged salad or microwaved vegetable?

Hope you find something that works.