We are being played. Is it wrong for me to call them out on it?

You are sick of putting your lives on hold. So stop doing it. Arrange for MIL to return to her home, with whatever in-home help she needs.

A psych evaluation while she isin the hospital sounds like a good step, to me.

You need to have them return to their own home and get the necessary services for them there. If returning to home is not an option find a facility for them both. Stand up for yourself, not calling them out, but establish boundaries for what you are willing and able to do. Reclaim you life, nicely, but firmly.

Calling them out? The poster feels they have been manipulated and wants them to be held accountable. This will not help at all.

If she really is mentally sound, what the heck are you doing putting your lives on hold? Set a deadline for her to return home. If they need help arranging for care, offer to provide it (not the care, just help arranging it!) Otherwise let her and her husband make the arrangements themselves.

If she is a "victim" in her marriage, ask if she wants help ending the marriage and arrange for her to speak to a lawyer. Again, if she needs help finding in-home help or a care center after that, offer to help her arrange it.

I'm all in favor of adult children providing reasonable help to their parents. In this case I think that would be for your husband to help his mother find appropriate ways to be on her own, with or without her husband.

Wits, relax, you see her behavior and want to also blame him for not wanting to be more involved. Poor guy, married to a very difficult woman. I wouldn't want to be around her either. Have her check out by a neurologist. She may have a brain disorder that causes this. BREATHE.

I'm not sure what this " calling them out" thing is. Or what it's supposed to accomplish.

What do you want? For your mom and step dad to return to their home? Arrange for that to happen. Also arrange for your mom to have cognitive and mental health workups in the near future.

The results might surprise you.

Since your MIL is back in the hospital, tell your husband that you are not comfortable with her coming back to your home. Assuming he agrees, he then tells his Dad that he will have to make arrangements for when the woman is discharged. Perhaps you and your husband can do some research and your husband and his dad can visit other housing options. A 2 Bedroom in a continuing care facility may work for them.
At 77 years of age, she is too young to be a permanent resident of your home. AND the potential for a long life with her and her husband seeing each other on weekends is ridiculous.
But you and your husband have to be on the same page about not taking her back in, the drama will affect your marriage and house hold! This is a perfect opportunity to make a clean break. GRAB it!

Does it really matter who suggested the single bedrooms, that is between the couple. Sounds like six to one half a dozen the other. This couple has been together for many years and are used to and understand each others behavior so calling them out is certainly a waste of breath. As has been suggested simply don't take MIL back into your home. if she needs it she should be eligible for rehab and after that it is up to them. You say MIL is competent and not old so she can make the phone calls. FIL sounds as though he is still working. it is perfectly understandable that he should want to chill in his own home over the W/E and it does not matter that he tells little white lies. He has learned how to protect himself and it sounds as though MIL could care less.
Now where does this leave you and hubby? They are his parents after all so he has to step up to the plate and take responsibility assuming your marriage is not already teetering on the rocks. If it is that is a separate issue and one the two of you have to resolve. So MIL will black ball you for ever, doesn't matter she is doing a pretty good job now. The only way to escape a toxic situation is to step away from it. You have done what you can. If your house was on fire would you stand close by and inhale the fumes? No, I think not you would run in the opposite direction unless there was someone near and dear who needed to be rescued. Well MIL is neither near or dear and perfectly capable of rescuing herself so RUN.

I think I would say you and your husband are being played *to.* You are the audience, your MIL and her husband the performers - or more or less willing participants in the drama, as the case may be.

They both need some practical help by the sound of it; it most certainly does not need to come from you or your husband. Follow Jeannegibbs's directions back to sanity.

So I was re-reading the posts, and actually had to chuckle at Veronica91's post. My husband and I are both retired firefighters/EMTs. Lol so we would actually run towards the fire instead of away! Maybe that is why we put up their actions, gluttons for punishment when people are in need of help.
I do have an update on the in laws, other family members have finally stepped up. MIL is in NH in the next town (30 minutes away), where another son and DIL live. I put them down as contacts since they live in same town. Also, her nephew and his boyfriend who are professional carpenters, went to MIL home and built new railing on steps. One step closer to her being able to go home. Her home is 3 hours away, so we cannot just go there to prepare their home for her return. FIL is 80 YO and is still driving semi. So he is not home much, hence her anger towards him. We have informed other family members what exactly is going on, so they are prepared for whatever may come when she goes home. It is understood now that she will be going home as soon as possible and that FIL may have to be home more often. And at the least I do believe that I have all 4 of her boys either hating me, (which I don't care), or understanding that she must do things for herself and quit waiting on her hand and foot.

Good for you! I agree how they feel about you isn't the primary concern. If the son and DIL aren't adept enough to keep her with the pt until she is truly able to care for herself then they will soon learn AND begin to understand a little more about what it takes to deal with mom at this stage in her life. Thanks for the update.