Is being mad at my brother normal for not helping out with my mother’s care?

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I feel so guilty because sometimes I am just so worn out that I really don't want to do anything, but because my brother is absolutely no help, and my husband is not helping me emotionally, I am stressed to the max. Is it normal to feel this way? My mom has been in a nursing home for a month, rehabbing from a bad fall. While she is doing good, she is just not the same as she was before the fall. She is coming home in a few days, and I am anxious. She lives next door to me, and I will be the caregiver. All my brother worries about is her money, and not about her health or helping out at all. I just want to know if feeling sad, anxious, and ticked off at my husband is normal. My feelings are all over the place, and I want to make sure this is normal.

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Normal. Normal. Normal. Ask the many of us here! It is natural to be concerned for your mom's care, and to have mixed emotions. Wondering how this will impact your life, her needs and yours, your married life, and trying to protect your mom from money grubbers are real concerns. My husband is very supportive, but he doesn't handle things the same as me emotionally, (thank God!). He is more objective, and somewhat more detached, and very stable, which helps me a lot. I'm always asking him for advice. I think mothers and daughters have a much different relationship than any other, and not everyone understands or shares those emotions, especially our men. But they can often be more practical, versus emotional.

What are your brother's expectations? If not in your mother's best interests, who is making her decisions, and who is in control? Does she have the finances to meet her caregiving needs? Who supports you in the caregiving, besides the two men in your life? A sister, aunt, or a close female friend? Who else has your mom's best interests at heart?

I think what you are experiencing is something many of us share, and know the difficulties involved. Perhaps the focus needs to be on what you can control, which is usually not a sibling. If he's not supportive of your efforts or concerns, there are plenty here who are. Hopefully, you have close friends or family who are as well. Take is easy with yourself, and ask your husband to help you find ways for you to get some rest, support, and help for you and your mom. Don't get so overtaxed that you can't be a good wife, daughter, caregiver, etc. There are often solutions we can't see in the midst of a trial. Let your husband be the leader, and help you find the answers you need. Meanwhile, think of ways to be thankful, such as: your mom is being cared for at the moment, which gives you time for a little rest; she is just in rehab, and you don't have to plan a funeral. Things could always be worse, but don't look for it. Count your blessings that you're married, and don't have to face this alone, regardless of your mixed feelings towards your brother. And anytime you need a place to vent, or someone to share the emotional burden, I think you'll find that here. Will be praying for you and your mom. Be gentle with yourself, and take care! Forgive, and talk to a Social Worker at the rehab place to help you work through your struggles and concerns. They can offer resources, and be a good sounding board, as well. Best wishes.
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