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Since my father has passed and my mother now has dementia (read below) my sisters have become increasingly difficult to get along with. Long story short. My older sisters husband argued with me last summer about something and it got pretty heated on his part and he ended up blaming me for his outburst and till this day will not talk to me. Now planning Christmas holiday I have been uninvited to my other sisters house because my brother-in law will not go if I’m going. My other sister said it’s best if I stay home and they all carry on Christmas without me. (First inviting me then changing her mind) They are willing to pick mom up and drop her off. My sister who’s husband dislikes me said that he will allow her to go but he will not attend and my other sister basically said for me to stay home. After a whole day of arguing with my sisters about this I said it’s best to carry on and do my own thing. As much as it hurts and how painful and mean they are being it’s best that we keep our distances. I’m also getting engaged next month and feel like I have no family support.


Read a great quote today-“Not all family is blood and not all blood is family” Coming to realize things in life.

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Since you are about to enter into a new chapter of your life I wonder if it is possible to feel if you truly need this family in your life given all that you posted. I understand the value of family but it sounds as though they are that in name only. If there is never any caring interaction between you and them then perhaps you abandon the hopes that there can be at least at this stage. Being there for an aging parent is a different issue. One knows that those days are numbered and that the parent may have developed conditions beyond their control. It often is so stressful dealing with all that entails that any more negativity in life is not worth it. Although it is not quite the same dynamic I have barely any if none communication with family members who were critical of me when I placed my mother in AL. In a sense they are dead to me. My mother has communication with them which is fine but I am distanced. They don't seem to truly know what I have to deal with as my mothers health slowly disintegrates. Some have never reached out at all in the 5 years that this has been. This was family I felt on good terms with before. I hope you find the answers you need to live your life with positivity and prosperity outside of these individuals.
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Very common. Very bad behaviour by these sisters. "Family" is overrated. People have told me "but it's your family" as if I must maintain the relationship no matter how they act. I have people who care about me and I care about them. They are not my family, they are so much better than that. I'm sorry you have to go thru with this. Congrats on your upcoming engagement. At least you have that person to support you in life.
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
Thanks so much! I am looking forward to next month and our special day. He is very supportive and understands my situation. I messaged my sisters yesterday and told them it’s best we don’t communicate anymore as they are
so negative and mean and seem to ruin any good day I have. Very sad that it has come down to this we were very close before.
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Caring125, what you are experiencing is sad and hurtful. And....quite common. It’s the kind of crap that you think only happens to other people - until it happens to you.

Going from two parents to one parent really throws off the balance. And - get ready for it - a new circle of drama after the last parent is in the ground.

I am the uneager puppeteer for my in-laws’ version of this Sturm Und Drang. The back story would take a week to explain.....

Suffice it to say that IF there is any family togetherness on a holiday, my guy & I do all the planning, all the hosting and all the heavy lifting. Why? Because we are not hoarders; our house is not an open litter box; we are not alcoholics; we do not abuse benzos and opiates; and I’m not a total f***ing bitch.

Great, huh?

I tolerate this only to give my 83-yr-old “mother-in-law” the false sense of family unity that she craves so deeply. (Of course, my guy & I have no control over attendance. All are invited. The head count is usually far less.)

After my 83-y.o. MIL passes, I will QUICKLY and HAPPILY retire from being the welcome wagon, the caterer and the fall guy for this sorry-sack family.

My guy will have to find a way to have a relationship with his siblings that does not involve me as a facilitator. He’ll have his work cut out for him. But that’s his problem.

I have no gauzy childhood memories of watching cartoons in my PJs and water-balloon battles in the backyard (et al) with these clowns. When I met my guy’s siblings, they were self-centered adults with a shocking lack of empathy, no sense of reciprocity, and difficult spouses.

Fast-forward 20-some years: nothing gets better with age. And they can all have each other.

In the here and now, FIL is gone and my household has taken up the (rudimentary) mantle of family togetherness. When MIL is gone, all bets are off.
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I can see not being invited to BILs home but keeping you from coming to ur other sister's house because he won't come is ridiculous. You are being punished because he is a jerk and he owes u an apology.

Start now thinking its just you and fiance from now on. Hopefully he has a family you can embrace. If you r having a wedding, invite them. If they don't show up that is their problem, not yours.
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
I thought it was very awful for my sister not to invite me and invite my brother in law. We’ve spent every Christmas together since I can remember. Very hurtful to say the least.
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I went through something similar to this, but it was holiday dinners. My parents ( now my dad is gone) decided to have my loser brother over for dinners and would lie to me "saying they were not doing the holiday thing anymore. This was because my brother & I get alone like oil and fire!

Later, I found out that my dad figure sense I can cook quit well and had my boyfriend to share the holidays with and my brother couldn't cook or have anyone they would have him over. Talk about the pain and disappointment I felt, but I decide for my guy and me to do our own thing and it worked out for the best. No family drama or presure.

I am truly sorry that you have to go through this, however, as painful as it might be you now know where you stand with your sisters & you can make up your own rules on what you and your new-to-hubby wants or do. I think you might find it enjoyable.

I did, there were no presure to try to get along with someone who hates me and no drama. My BF and I still had great holidays. But I must admit there is no pain like your own family rejecting you. That I am sorry for.

Take this time and figure out what you & your new hubby would like to spend your holidays. What would you like to do?

Best wishes to you!
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
Thanks Shell, that’s kind of where I am at right now. I am going to spend this Christmas with his family and enjoy our engagement and see what kind of feelings come out of this.
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Gordon Bennett!

If your BIL won't behave like a man, perhaps you could. Offer to meet and shake hands with him, and then for heaven's sake never revisit whatever it was you were talking about when this all blew up.

You've all quite enough real drama in your lives without [sexist description deleted] egos acting up.
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
I’ve already apologized (for something I didn’t do) just to make amends and move on. My sister said he won’t and won’t ever. Nice, all this for a tiny little fight. I feel
like he’s using this as an excuse...
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Caring, I am so sorry you are going through this and that your sisters are so . . . well, I can't use the language I would like to use so let's just say they are challenging!

Congratulations on your upcoming engagement! I hope you have support from your fiance and at least one other nice, normal person (such as a counselor) during this time. Thinking of you.
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
Thanks so much! I am very excited. :)
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:)
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Caring- I can relate to your feelings of loss of family. I have 5 living siblings who do not speak to me since moving my parents with me. Sadly they don't even speak to My Mom or even Dad when he was alive. Except 1 brother which sometimes calls mom when I remind him via email.
I however do not miss them. I pray for them. We never had a good relationship, and their was always chaos at every family function. I am sad for my Mom. But I do understand that it is difficult having family and knowing they are their and knowing they don't care.
The quote you came across,“Not all family is blood and not all blood is family” Is so true.
I have people in my life that are better than family, would do anything for you kind of people. I consider them family. Even wise Solomon says in Proverbs 27:10,"....for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off.
My heart goes out to you. And if these people want to be that way let them be, and just do your own thing. You don't need all that negativity in your life.
You are not alone.
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Caring12S Nov 26, 2018
Thanks so much, I needed to hear that. Comforting knowing people going through the same thing.
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