I have written on this forum before. My mom has been diagnosed by 3 different doctors that my mother has mid stage diseaes.alzhimiers My sister has made an appt for my mother to see this behavior specialist to see if he will give them the answer they want to hear to take her home. I remain against it i know she hates the assitted living but she is not making any effort to get involved. She wont go to dining room or any activities. I took her to her pcp who agrees she is more depressed but whem i spoke to her coming home without 24 hours he is definitly not optunistic as I am. Any suggestions if she goes home i know she wont let people in to help her. she just wants her family and we all work full time I have been so stressed to the point i have been sober for 9 years ans drank last week after finding out she may come live with me. I need others opinion on this behavior specialist. thanks in advance.

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You do not need any opinions on whether your mother can come live with you. Not from posters on this board, not from your sister, and not from a behavioral specialist. It is your home. You and you alone (or with spouse, if applicable) decide who lives there. What do you mean that you "found out she may come live with me"? Found out?!! She can't come and live with you unless you decide she can.

A person with mid stage dementia CANNOT live alone. That is not safe, not practical, and not a responsible thing for close family members to allow. That means she needs 1) a care facility, 2) a LOT of in-home care at her own house, or 3) to live with a family member who is either home all day or with in-home care for the portion of the day family isn't there. Since she refuses to accept outside help, and all of you work then options 2 and 3 simply do not seem viable (with or without the help of a behavior specialist, a neurologist, a geriatric psychiatrist, etc. etc..

If the behavior specialist says, "I can work with this patient and help her change her behavior so that she goes to the community dining room," or "I can help her get through panic attacks," or whatever behaviors he/she thinks can be treated, well, fine, give it a shot. No harm done. But don't make any changes to Mom's living situation until you see the results.

Understand, however, that if Mom has dementia (and 3 doctors say she does) then that cannot be cured. And dementia gets worse over time.

Maureeen, you are entitled to make your own decisions about whether Mom comes to live with you. If you have made up your mind that you are not able/willing to care for her in your home, let your sister know that in definite terms. She should not be making appointments for Mom under the false assumption that if she gets the right answer she can deliver Mom to you.

Good luck to all of you.
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