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My LO has been in assisted living since Oct 2019. She was diagnosed with mild/beginning dementia in Sept 2019 (I think it's more advanced than that, but I am also not a Dr.)
There have been incidences at the AL where she decides that she is going to help set silverware on the table (because staff aren't doing it right), she goes to get office supplies from the "office" area in the lobby (not allowed), has almost borderline OCD behaviors where she picks up pieces of lint, or specks of paper from the carpet areas, or walks around the grounds of the AL picking weeds. When staff ask her not do to this, she responds angrily.
Today I was called because another resident had fallen, hurt her head, and according to the aide, my LO was actively trying to convince this resident she didn't need to/shouldn't get in the ambulance and go to the hospital. (She did mention to me that the aide was being very "bossy") The aide said she tried to redirect my LO four times to go back to her apartment and she refused. When I arrived, even the ambulance driver mentioned that my LO was not happy with the aide. My LO's response was that the aide lies, she would NEVER try talk someone out of going to the hospital, and that everyone was making things up.
My first thought is to make a Dr appointment to check for UTI. The AL does med dispensing for her, so any meds need to have a Dr Rx before they will dispense. They won't do OTC PRN. I don't know that there is a med for stubborn, non-compliant behavior - but would something mild for anxiety help? My LO's gait and balance have declined - I worry that her "weeding" activity on the grounds of the AL may result in a fall. I also worry that any anxiety/calming med would impact her balance. Covid certainly doesn't help - I have been able to do outside visits for about a month, but have only been in her apartment and in the AL three times since Mid-March. Pre-covid I was there 3-5 times a week.
Help!!

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Welcome to the world of Dementia. What you are describing is common in people suffering from Dementia. And as said, the staff maybe your problem, not Mom. If she isn't allowed in the offices, then they should be locked when no one is present. My Mom was in charge of dinners at her Church. At her AL she thought it was her job to help set up the dining room for meals. I kept telling her she didn't need to do it. The staff was actually paid to do it, it was their job.

I agree that Mom may need Temporary care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Sounds like mom should be in memory care instead of assisted living. Memory care would not attempt to curtail her activities rather encourage them so long as she is not a danger. Heck get her a little garden that has some weeds in it.
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Reply to gladimhere
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The problem here is with the staff, not your mom. Most facilities don't train staff to be person-centered and competency based. The training is poor and results in continual staff turnover. As long as mom isn't being disruptive or doing something unsafe, she should be allowed to pick lint and weed. My wife, although she was in MC and not AL, would crawl on the floor and even move furniture in her facility. The staff would just let her be. You said the aide tried to send her back to her room 4 times without success. Why? Another example of a poorly trained staff. Your mom's reaction is a reflection of the staff's behavior. I'm sure mom would feel a since of dignity if she could help set the table. They could accommodate that very easily.

Her behavior does not warrant ANY drugs. Residents in these facilities are already overdrugged, not to help the resident, but to help the staff.

This is about your mom's dignity, and her feeling of worth. You may want to talk to the director about the inappropriate behavior of the staff.
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Reply to sjplegacy
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Why can't she pick weeds and lint?

We can't protect our seniors from living and expect them to be happy about it.

She will stop on her own if she falls. We can't live forever and we have to let them do what they can while they can. This kind of control is why so many seniors refuse to go into a facility.

Talk to management, not some aide and tell them to let mom do what she will and that they will not be held responsible if she falls.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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