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Usually the result makes me the villain, yet still the responsible party - no good deed goes unpunished. As I managed my mother's family since my twenties - I forewarned her I would be all burned out when she needed me. 20 years later it is just me and my mother - my own family adult and some resentment. My mother refuses assisted living and I can see her decline. She is blocking me from getting help, cleaning her living conditions, requires constant attention, has no regard that I am no longer a youth and deserve to build some type of life, is verbally abuses, and blames me for everything, and always seeks a stranger to fix her problems, which they tend to worsen. She always planned for my sister to share here golden years and never faced her favorite child was an addict who was never available and passed too young. My mother's antics has wreaked havoc on my own family in the past, but we restored and survived. She is very abusive and resentful of me and in my heart I've always tried to be the available daughter. She needs help. My every turn is suspect and ridiculed, but I really can see a difference in her mental state and ability to care for herself. What can I do?

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Agree with all the above. You have done all you can. neither you nor your mother nor you are happy with the current situation. she can't or won't change but you can.
don't second guess yourself, there is nothing to have regrets about You can not help someone who won't allow themselves to be helped. Blessings.
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Enough already. Listen to Pam Stegman. If I could give her a "Best Answer," I would.
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I agree. You've put in your time, you've done right by your mom. Make a decision that you can no longer care for her. This is your decision and yours only. And since you can no longer care for her what are her options? Assisted living? Nursing home? She's going to have to choose. You can help her through the process and the change but stand firm. You can no longer care for her.
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Thank you so much. As I look over your response, I feel peace that I've done all I can, it is time for change, and the hard decisions have to be made. I'm going to take the wheel of this bus, be the driver, and keep it moving.
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You can tell her you are done with her shenanigans and emotional slams. You call your county social services and tell them to take over. We all have limits, and twenty years is well beyond any reasonable limit.
You are looking at the beginnings of dementia, the anger and frustration. She knows she is losing it. Force her to deal with reality and do not throw yourself under the bus (which she is driving).
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