She desperately wants to buy more dolls and hold Hummel's that we had to get rid of when we cleaned our her apartment to move in with us. She accuses me of stealing, she says I treat her like a 4 year old and criticize her all the time. I'm trying to get her to eat healthy and keep a neat room. She has been on Aricept for 6 months and I actually think that is making the hoarding worse. Now she wants to move to Topeka and thinks she is as sharp as she has ever been. She is 91. I just don't know how to address this.
For a while my LO was obsessed with her cat. It was a huge deal and disrupted her life, but at some point she forgot about the cat. Many things phase out as they progress. New symptoms arise. It’s often best to let them think they are right. Just ensure they are protected. I wouldn’t have expectations of a 91 year old with dementia to keep a tidy room or do anything else. Just try to keep her content, which can be very challenging. Sometimes, nothing works. I would comfort my LO that everything had been resolved. Things were going her way. Can you explain that the move to Topeka is in the works, but the plumbing is being repaired, floors redone, new roof, et,?
I’d suggest you check out you tube videos about dementia by Teepa Snow and books like The 36 Hour Day. I’d also seek out help like adult day care or in home assistance. Except for early stage of dementia, it’s risky to leave them alone unattended. If she’s talking of leaving to go to Topeka I’d be alarmed that she could take off when left alone. Wandering is not uncommon.
Good luck with everything. There is great support on this site and some good tips as well.
I tried to jump the gun yesterday and toss the mail before she saw that of 12 pieces of mail, ONE was of any importance and it was not for her. 4 catalogs and 6 pleas for money (complete with the requisite pads of paper and address labels--sis just threw out well over 100 of these 2 weeks ago.)
Mom let YS clean (as I stated) and now she has hoarder's remorse as she realizes something she didn't even remember owning is somehow missing. The initial 'excitement' of having a cleaner place sure didn't last long.
Last year was VERY hard on my mom. She is very, very depressed, but will not take anything for it--she says she's just so tired, which I am sure she is! But we'd like to see her get out, now that her Sr Center is re-opening-she is actually already making excuses for not going. She said she only has the energy to get dressed and sit all day. That's probably true, but in the sitting and doing nothing, she also shops all day long.
At 91--we have given up trying to make it better. Had a medium size cleanout and when she goes away for a day long excursion to see a new great grand baby, I am going to clean (with YB) and get rid of a lot of 'stuff' that she cannot see.
You will just have to grow a thick skin. In mom's case, she simply puts her back up and fights us on EVERYTHING.
She explained to me that sitting in her apartment and seeing all her 'things' around her are like being hugged. I said "If you need hugs, then clean this place out so PEOPLE can come and actually hug you". Naw, she'd rather have 50 vases and 30 rancid scented candles.
A hoarder doesn't WANT to get well. I've NEVER known a full blown hoarder to get 'better'. Never in my life.
I would only suggest putting as much of mom's stuff in plastic bins and storing it, well labeled, for her. She'll still have her 'stuff' but it won't be on view. Mom has about 20 bins in storage. It is entirely garbage. But she knows it's there.
Good Luck. You're probably not going to win this battle.
I know this is not likely the right answer, but Mum told me I was treating her like a 4 year old, I would tell her it was because she was acting like one and to act her age.
I would also remind her that my house, my rules. If her room is not tidy the options are;, she cleans it, she pays for someone to clean it, she goes into care.
Food, I would not worry so much about. I would not short order cook for her, but if she wants treats, I would say OK, after you finish what's on your plate. At 91, candies, cookies and chips are the least of her worries. Yes, even if she is diabetic, has high BP etc. I woudl rather die having enjoyed my last meal.
I knew one man who only ate hot dogs for lunch and dinner for a decade or more. One elderly woman in my family only ate Campbells Cheddar Cheese Soup for 15+ years.