Latest update. Mom passed March 2017. I am feeling much better. But it seems that the small things are irritating me more. Traffic congestion. Having to go shopping. Any type of responsibility I have, no matter how tiny it is, irritates me. I've been wanting to move out of state, and as I search out apartments, the task seems to pressure ridden for me. And now I'm thinking I need to just completely chill out and not put any pressure on myself. I'm feeling somewhat fragile the more I gain clarity. I'm also feeling like I'd like to get in my car and travel around the country. I feel a need to get away from here where everything reminds me of my mother. And wonder if anyone else has experienced these feelings. Thanks for your help.

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Yes, I've done that twice, once to the place I want to move to, and visiting friends in Nashville. I always have a hard time making my mind and knowing what I really want. Thanks.
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Could you take a vacation to the place you're thinking about moving to or somewhere you've wanted to visit? Or a volunteer vacation, where you help others (like through the Sierra Club)? Maybe just a change of scenery and focus for a short time (like a week) would be healing. Then usually you're glad to get back home once you're on vacation.
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Yes, thank you all. I needed to hear all this. And I'm sorry for each and everyone of our losses, and hope we all feel better soon. My condolences to everyone for your losses. I think you're all correct. I've been pressuring myself. And now I think I just have to vegetate and chill for along time. Also, I've been thinking that this need to move out of state might be an escape from my grief. Although, it still might be nice to have new surroundings that might give me a fresh look on things. And also new surroundings won't be a daily reminder of my mother. Everywhere I go here, is a reminder of her suffering. I guess that's the hard part. Remembering her suffering. I guess i have survivors guilt still. But, yes, time to chill out and stop pushing myself so hard.
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Hey Bloomschool, chillax! :) Your mom just passed a few months ago. You don't have to do anything yet. I think you're putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself to make decisions and sort things out before your psyche is ready.

My mom passed in May and I'm still knee-deep in sorting her stuff. Every little thing requires a decision. I am in decision fatigue (at first I typed that indecision fatigue, also true!). In addition to my mom's stuff, I also have my dad's stuff (that stayed at their place until she died). Now I have his stuff too. So many things that require research (is there any value to the miniature trains he collected or should I just take them to a nonprofit and be done with them?) or just a basic decision. How many sentimental pieces of my mom and dad should I keep? Their marriage certificate? Their social security cards? Their dogtags? There are no children in our family to pass these on to and my brother is MIA, so it's my decision alone as to what to do with everything.

I am totally with you on the schedule piece of it. I don't want to schedule ANYTHING. I have a certificate for a free massage from a friend and I don't even want to schedule that, LOL. After years of being so busy with mom and so scheduled with my nonprofit job (that ended last month), now I just want to sit and ponder my navel for a while. But it's hard not to feel like I'm wasting time. I have to keep talking to myself to give myself permission to take whatever time I need to figure out what to do. I have all of the time in the world.

So just relax and know that when the time is right, it will FEEL right and you won't be seeing the other behaviors (anger) you're seeing right now. Be gentle with yourself. {{{{Hugs}}}}
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I think grieving takes longer than we think... It has stages. Give yourself at least six months to kind of level out... Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Dear Branchingout,

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend.

Dear Bloom,

I think what you are going through is natural and normal part of grief. I know it doesn't feel like that, but from everything I have read it is. After my dad passed last year, I, too was struggling with the same. I felt hypersensitive. People could say something well meaning but I would just take it the wrong way. I felt no one understood me.

I am also struggling with this decision to "run away" so speak. I debated about selling the house, quitting the job and just starting over in a new town. 11 months later...I still don't know what to do with myself. I try to do the every day stuff and hope to get to the next day and the next. I hope to find my footing again.

Everything you have said or asked about mirrors what I was thinking too. As Branchingout said, its a good idea right now to try and focus on self care. I know its a lot easier said than done. I really struggle too but I have to keep the hope that "this too shall pass." My one counsellor said generally grief gets a little better after 18 to 24 months...a very general timeframe. It could be shorter or a lot longer for others.

Hang in there, my friend. We are all going to make it, we have to.
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Bloomschool, I had the same feeling last spring when my friend died. I drove her to radiation, chemo, dr appointments, etc, for about 8 years. I was happy to do this for her since I was at home and loved her company, but I was basically on call. During this last year there have been stressful events I had to attend that I was not excited about and then one of my parents started chemo last fall requiring me to travel some. It's obvious both parents have some type of dementia and their house is sort of crazy town. At one point I left to see a relative in the hospital and the next week my friend died. I missed her last few 'good' days and she was on heavy pain meds when I got back. I only have good memories about her, but I had the same reaction as you are having. I am up to my eyeballs in stress and am losing my temper over small little things (as well as bigger ones) After my friend died, I had the feeling of Never wanting anything to do with death, dying, healthcare, volunteering, etc ever again! I worked in a nursing home in a non nursing capacity and still saw my fair share of people dying. I didn't want to see my friend reaching during her last day on earth.
So I have really blown up a couple of times. And I've given myself a pat on the back and permission to let 'er rip for the time being - it's some sort of release valve letting this happen. I'm usually very slow to lose my temper. I'm sure this feeling will dissipate, but not for a while as I have More upcoming stressful events and once more they revolve around health problems. Somehow these things are being stacked together for extra stress this year! I force myself to walk in the parks around here and that helps. I know just a few days away - or even one night - has helped me so much this summer. Take care of yourself.
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