Life brings many enjoyable missions and many overwhelming tasks to overcome. When a friend or family member becomes ill. The adventure to take on the tasks of a caregiver is overwhelming that people find to late or over looked. Or let's call it, bite more then you can chew is the later outcome. Is agreeing or becoming a first time caregiver for a love one the best tactic?
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to take care of my Parents because, they both passed away unexpectedly before their 60's. If they would have lived to seen their elderly yrs. I would have been the feller to care for them. Many know me on this Forum as venting about my 88 yr old Aunt that I agreed to take care of...As I was growing up this Aunt was one of my favorite Aunts. She was always nice to me and I looked up to her. My Father "her brother" told me yrs ago if there was anyone in the family to take of? This Aunt is the one he told me. This Aunt is also, my God Mother and was my Father's favorite sister. So, in a way I was prone to care for her when she reached her elderly yrs. After I took on this task of caregiver for my Aunt I wish I never found the word "Hate". I had no idea that this Aunt was so much of a hateful person. I never learned hate until this Aunt. Hate is like a spreading infection that's catchable. Do you love your loved one? I'm sure your answer is yes. Until you become a caregiver for them then, love is questionable. Becoming a caregiver for a loveone requires you to become closer to them and learning things about them that you may not want to learn about. I loved my Aunt. Until I became her caregiver. Now I hate her. I learned her darkside. I wish I never agreed to be her caregiver. If I never would of agreed to be her caregiver I wouldn't hate her today. Overcoming the hate isn't a simple task after catching it. Hate is a virus and very catchy. My advice to people is, before agreeing to be a caregiver for a loveone? How much do you really know about your loveone before attempting? Because, there's a darkside that you don't want to learn. Sometimes it's best to hand the rains over to someone else. The old saying "We learn as we go". If I knew then what I know now I would have never agreed to be a caregiver. I never was a hateful person until I took on this task. If you want to learn "Hate"? Become a caregiver!.. Because, enjoyable pleasure from being a caregiver isn't the only thing you will learn. Becoming a caregiver for your first time have you found the darkside yet?
apparently don't particularly think of myself as person having character, but did promise my Mum&Dad that i would not abandon them...
Your answer to "dogabone" was wonderful...
Lately have been wondering/stewing over how to make our collective experience - dogabone, yours, mine&all our families who are included in this experience - something that would focus in good way on our elders&also make it viable for those who come after us...
Am 64&have wonderful family around me...did care for my parents(90&94) by myself for best part of ten years...
There is wonderful paper regarding filial responsibility which shows benefit/s of aiding caregivers....not a ruse/not fraud...
I subsidized and so on my parents' "independence" for many years...i was/worked only as a waitress - good years it was fine, bad years&there have been many lately it was very difficult...
Not complaining have wonderful children...but some years very difficult...would love to effect helpful change for other boomers my age who work only in low income jobs...anyway...you wrote beautifully to dogabone ...i just want to help also...
Too late for me&mine....so many others need help&caring for their loves...will save millions$s to tax payers...
Now this isn't to say my mom isn't difficult and has her quirks, but so do I. I am very close to my mom since Dad died and she moved here, so I spend a LOT of time with her, and even then I think I should be spending more since she depends on me so much. It's not mom that gets to me; it's the burden of the time chunk that I have to give. But then I realize that someday she will be gone, and I will WISH for that phone to ring.
You see, this isn't your mom.... (I realize not all caregivers are taking care of a loving parent) but this is your aunt... and I don't think you are as close to her as you would be to a mother who raised and loved you. Do you know what I mean?
I don't think (*hope*) that you 'hate' her. I think you bit off more than you could chew with a really difficult person to caregive to. I would examine my feelings and hand the ball off, slow but sure, to the professionals before you feel like you could run away or snap. I am sure ultimately you want what is best for your aunt, and for you, too. The pros are used to dealing with difficult elderly people and understand the diseases that go with the territory.
We won't commit loving family/relatives etc& wonder why countries are at war?...should be on everyone's lips these days: filial responsibility...nice words..:)