Life brings many enjoyable missions and many overwhelming tasks to overcome. When a friend or family member becomes ill. The adventure to take on the tasks of a caregiver is overwhelming that people find to late or over looked. Or let's call it, bite more then you can chew is the later outcome. Is agreeing or becoming a first time caregiver for a love one the best tactic?
Unfortunately, I never got the chance to take care of my Parents because, they both passed away unexpectedly before their 60's. If they would have lived to seen their elderly yrs. I would have been the feller to care for them. Many know me on this Forum as venting about my 88 yr old Aunt that I agreed to take care of...As I was growing up this Aunt was one of my favorite Aunts. She was always nice to me and I looked up to her. My Father "her brother" told me yrs ago if there was anyone in the family to take of? This Aunt is the one he told me. This Aunt is also, my God Mother and was my Father's favorite sister. So, in a way I was prone to care for her when she reached her elderly yrs. After I took on this task of caregiver for my Aunt I wish I never found the word "Hate". I had no idea that this Aunt was so much of a hateful person. I never learned hate until this Aunt. Hate is like a spreading infection that's catchable. Do you love your loved one? I'm sure your answer is yes. Until you become a caregiver for them then, love is questionable. Becoming a caregiver for a loveone requires you to become closer to them and learning things about them that you may not want to learn about. I loved my Aunt. Until I became her caregiver. Now I hate her. I learned her darkside. I wish I never agreed to be her caregiver. If I never would of agreed to be her caregiver I wouldn't hate her today. Overcoming the hate isn't a simple task after catching it. Hate is a virus and very catchy. My advice to people is, before agreeing to be a caregiver for a loveone? How much do you really know about your loveone before attempting? Because, there's a darkside that you don't want to learn. Sometimes it's best to hand the rains over to someone else. The old saying "We learn as we go". If I knew then what I know now I would have never agreed to be a caregiver. I never was a hateful person until I took on this task. If you want to learn "Hate"? Become a caregiver!.. Because, enjoyable pleasure from being a caregiver isn't the only thing you will learn. Becoming a caregiver for your first time have you found the darkside yet?
Somehow did..doing..."can't " scarier than "doing"....
Mum now totally blind, has leukemia..17months ago at home was independently mobile...able to see light&shadow...Moved in with them..."temporary" full time caring...we all wore many hats Mum, Dad, and i then...
They hated me, trusted me, hated to trust me...i cried&cried&cried...then "turned on a dime"...on a time...
Best dime i ever bet on...
Dad dementia...has forgotten native finnish language&english(which he spoke fluently for 50 years)...
So here we is...still doing...still know nothing...yes very difficult...
Now they are in skilled nursing facility...spring/summer/fall i drive there each day...winter this year has been difficult weather-wise...
Could not ask for more compassionate Nurses/Aides...where it is i lucked out!
My Dad as forgotten everything in English except "i love you"&"bull****"!...:)
Anyway,yes I feel resentment toward my Aunt .Do I hate the responsibilities I was thrown to do? The responsibilities isn't the problem.It's the hateful treatment I recieve for doing good for another is what I resent.People throws the word dementia in as a excuse to see different from what the truth really is.Your only hateful if you was raised to be hateful.When a elderly person shows their hate to others it's showing their true colors.Dementia has nothing to do with hatefulness.You either know how to hate or you don't.You don't learn to hate being old.I have a Mother-law that is much younger then my Aunt and has dementia far worse then my Aunt's.My Mother-law isn't hateful.If dementia is the excuse or hatefulness?Then,why don't they forget to be hateful?Just venting is all.
I hear it all the time from others saying my Aunt's hateful because,of her dementia.My Aunt's dementia isn't all the time as her hatefulness is 24/7.She is full of hate and negatives.24/7 there is nothing good that comes out of her mouth.
When your around so much hate you your self will turn to hate,it's a virus.
You told me,(I think you hate the responsibility of taking care of somebody who is not the person you know anymore.)That's not correct I must reply.
I never learned hate until I became involved with her.I learned her darkside.
If I would have never agreed to help her.I never would have known her darkside or hatefulness.Her hatefulness will only get worse.Her dementia wont help her forget that.
And last,
Yes I need to get out of underneath this Aunt.I did help on what I could do.It's stopping,walking away is the hardest part.
My main point of this topic was to let people know that becoming a caregiver for a loveone isn't always the best idea.And truth be told the grass isn't as green on the otherside as some may think.For a caregiver as time goes bye you learn more and more about your family member.There's many things about a person you will find you rather not learn about.I hear people say this statement about elderly people all the time,(She's a very sweat old lady. or He's a very nice old man.)The people that say that is outsiders.Those people don't spend enough time to know the truth.Caregivers are forced to learn the elderlies darkside.
You may love your Mother or Father enough to take on the tasks as their caregiver.When people agree to take on this task.They don't realize that doing so they will learn their loveones darkside.That's something that knowone want's to learn they find to late.The old saying take the good with the bad.But,can you handle the bad?In time dementia will cause your father to say "Luck I am not your father.Take that to the darkside lol.
My point is,
Before attempting to take on the tasks of a caregiver for your family member.I learned it's best to have a outsider do it for you.So,you can seat back and enjoy your loveone to the end without learning their negatives that becomes hate as a virus.
...hate...phew!...throw the first stone if you are more perfect...sigh!...my heart breaks hearing this....