How do I become official caregiver for my mother?


I am having difficulty with a sibling over Moms health Care. I want full responsibility for my mother with mild dementia. My sister has passed Moms e on to Moms 84 yr old boyfriend who is beginning to show signs as well. Because I live out of state my sister says mother can't move in with me. Her alternative is a nursing home which my mother is no where near needing it

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If you have POA and health care proxy of your mother, your sister cannot tell you that your mother cannot live with you if that is what you really want. You may need to check with an elder attorney in your home state to see if you need to do a new POA and health care proxy in order for it to be valid in your state. And of course you would have to get her Medicaid moved to your state and find new doctors for her. But unless I'm missing something here, I don't see any problem with her moving in as long as you get that stuff done. I would start the Medicaid changes BEFORE she moved to your state though.
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I have been living with my Mom for 2 months, she lives in a senior center where the majority of residents are disabled either mentaly or physically or on a subsidy from the government. Through observation the care from her companion is companionship only. He failed to give her her medications regularly, she hadn't seen her doctor in 7 months my sisters response was she isn't sick. She sees her cardiologist every 3 mo for a pacemaker check. She wasn't being told to take a shower or change her clothes and when I arrived she hadn;t changed her clothes or had a bath in 13 days.. When I went with them to do laundr she had a total of 3 sets of clothes. I have the ability to care for her in my home. I was the official caregiver of my husband until he passed away so this is not anything new to me. As long as she stays here her companion doesn't stimulate her brain he orders her around and she has to do whatever he wants. My sister that lives here sees her once a week for 30 min. Inless there is a family dinner which is once a month. I have POA and health care proxy and I see Mom happy when she is out doing stimulating things like playing games and Bingo. Her companion dictates who she can be friends with I really need help just getting information on becoming her Guardian. Mom has nothing but her SS medicare and medicaid and I am financially capable of careing for all her needs. What should I do..
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If by full responsibility, and believing she is not ready for a home, you mean you want her to move in with you, please get professional advice. I have heard people with dementia become more confused in new settings. I had a friend bring her mom to live with her and her mother worsened immediately.

If you are going to move her, I suggest a trial run to begin. Do not do anything permanent like sell her house from the onset. Also, please respect the boyfriend relationship, any arrangements that break up a relationship should only be a last option.....that would be so sad and traumatic for her.

Perhaps, by responsibiity you meant financial responsibility to provide for in house care. If that was a possibility and met her needs that would be great.

Your intentions are noble, best of luck to you.
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Does your Mom have a Power of Attorney? Advance Health Care Directive?

What is an "e" that your sister passed onto your Mom's boyfriend?

Sounds like you might want to make a visit to your Mom before you make further decisions - and, perhaps, an elder attorney.
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