I've become my mother's whipping-post.

You report your concerns in confidence to her doctor, and ask for advice. Her doctor will not tell you anything about her medical history, because that's confidential too and s/he can't; but s/he can put on record what you have reported and s/he can advise you about local resources and services that offer practical help.

This is not a qualified opinion, but your mother's erratic behaviour sounds symptomatic of dementia - which I agree could be acute and caused by a u.t.i., for which treatment and recovery are straightforward, or could be chronic in which case it needs to be faced up to. Her angry acting out would also be symptomatic not only of dementia but also of the fear and depression she might be feeling as a result.

So she really needs help, and the sooner you act, the sooner you will both get it. She won't kill you for that. She might kill herself or someone else if she carries on as she is - God forbid. Good luck, and please let us know how you get on.

For years my Dad apparently had "noise" in his head. Over time, he can to accuse Mom of having a man in the house at night yelling and throwing things around.

But, he never told a Doctor or nurse about the noise,

Then, during these last 2 months Mom had a stroke and I came to take care of her only to find my Dad in worse shape than her! I reported this head problem to the nurse and it resulted in a head cat scan

My dad has hydrocephalus. They cannot treat it. Maybe it could have been caught and treated if only it had been found long since.

His dementia, paranoia, etc might be from this.

Please, have more than just a blood draw and a quick physical done. Check...found soon enough it could have been treated in my Dad. Look for the change in her personality. Something is happening.

Katie, what a sad story! But thank you for sharing it. I hope it will help someone.

Babalou is right about UTI's not being part of a regular physical. One has to ask for such a test which means peeing in a cup and running a lab test for that type of infection. I am really surprised more doctors don't do this on a regular basis for the older patients.

Your mother has symptoms. She's had a " change of mental status". She could have an very treatable UTI, or another infection or something treatable. What she does not have is " age related decline".

You need to get her in to see her doctor and find out what is causing this.

TL2002, it's tough getting old... your Mom lost the love of her life. At 76 that isn't how she and your Dad had planned their golden years, being together for many more years. She is scared and distracted. And with that comes stress which can cause memory issues. Have her primary doctor write her a script for something to calm her down, maybe her memory will improve.... if her memory doesn't improve, then you know maybe Mom does have the start of dementia.

Now comes the issue of you moving back home. What happens is the adult/child dynamic show up again. You become the child even though you are an adult. Your Mom sees you as that child once again who needs guidance. And if your way of doing things are different from your Mom, that can create a lot of problems. Even if your ways are easier and make more sense.

My late Mom wouldn't allow outside help to come in, neither. It was her house, and no one else is going to use her kitchen, her washer/dryer, etc. And here my Mom was 98 years old. Poor Dad, he felt they needed outside help but he never could convince Mom. It took a serious medical issue where my Mom had to spend her final months on long-term-care. Dad got his caregivers, and eventually he wanted to move to senior living as the house was too much work for him to maintain.

Take one step at the time. Get that issue corrected before tackling the next issue.

Tests for UTIs are not generally done as part of a regular physical.

Going to see a therapist or counselor is a wonderful idea. You need someone to let you know what you're not crazy! Good luck, and let us know how things are going.

Probably the only way to stop being the whipping post is to leave or her to go to a NH. I know my mom yelled at me a lot when she was in her home. Nothing I said or did could make her stop yelling at me. So now she is in a NH. Not yelling but hitting now.

Thanks for all the advice from all of you. At least I know I'm not crazy, and that this is strange behavior.She just went to the Doctor and had a full physical 2 weeks ago so I know it's not an infection anywhere. I think I will look up a counselor ,,but for me at the moment. I need to know the right way to handle her denying things ever happened, and how to deal with her temper tantrums. I found out the doctor put her on meds for her anxiety several years ago. but she's not taking it like she's supposed to, she thinks she know better then the doctor or anyone else. Another battle. But thank you for the help. I'll keep you posted.