Should I hire an attorney to become mom's legal guardian or can marriage be stopped with me just being her POA?


I am the POA for my89 year old mom who has dementia/Alzheimer's and she's in a dementia facility. Her 89 year old boyfriend thinks if he marries her he can take her out of the facility. Is this legal for him to do or with me being POA and with my sister and I don't want this marriage. Should I hire an attorney to become her legal guardian or can this marriage be stopped with me just being her POA?

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I'm with Country and Rain on this. If your mom isn't capable enough to make decisions in general, she isn't capable enough to make a decision about marriage, perhaps she can't legally. If she's like a lot of dementia patients she may be asking to "go home", and perhaps he thinks he would be helping her be happier. But if she is requiring a high level of care, how is another 89-year-old going to manage that adequately? What are the legal and financial ramifications? It, to me, sounds like boyfriend isn't making clear-minded decisions, either. While it sounds like a question for an attorney, or something that guardianship would solve, those are expensive options. Maybe first (if you haven't) talk with bf and see if you can work out a schedule that allows him to see her frequently that might be satisfactory. Good luck.
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My reading of the OP's question is that her main concern is the very elderly boyfriend's fantasy that he can rescue his lady love from the wicked dungeon and care for her in his cottage with the roses round the door.

Picture lady weeping in the arms of her boyfriend and saying she shouldn't be there, there's been a terrible mistake, please please take her home. Naturally enough, he is desperate to help her.

Stargazer, assuming that your mother no longer has mental capacity she cannot consent to marriage. They can't marry. You shouldn't need to intervene, except to make it absolutely clear to all concerned in her care - write to the Director, make sure *everybody* who needs to know does know - that this is not a legal possibility and must not be in any way facilitated. So, for example, she mustn't be allowed to leave the facility without your prior approval.

Then, seeing as you're paying them enormous sums of money to care for your mother, enlist their help with gently explaining to the boyfriend a) that while his plans are very touching they cannot proceed and b) that the best thing he can do to help his lady is visit her often and keep her company.

Where does he live? Is he also a resident, or have they been in a relationship for a very long time?
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Rainmom, oh my gosh, I seriously doubt there is anyone old enough to be on this forum who hasn't learned that love does not conquer all! But it is a timely reminder.

But love can give pleasure. I'm just wondering if there is some way to encourage and enhance that pleasure without enabling great risks. So I'd like to hear the specific objections to this marriage. Then perhaps we can focus on how to remove the risks or how something other than marriage could provide the pleasure the mom wants.
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If your mother has Alzheimer's and has qualified to live in a facility for those with dementia- I'm assuming if it came down to it she would be considered mentally incompetent, yes?

If that is the case I doubt if it would be legal for her to marry - entering into a legally binding contract when not being of "right mind". That said, I sincerely doubt that the POA will allow you to do anything about it. What is probably necessary is guardianship. Talk to an elder care attorney about an emergency guardianship - given that going the usual guardianship route can take a long time. It sounds like acting quickly might be important here.

While I'm all for true love I think it's unrealistic and irresponsible to say leave them alone and love will make everything work out. Seriously? He's 89. She's 89 with dementia. He wants to marry her and take her out of the facility - what, to live? Is he going to be her caregiver? Will she even realize what she's done a week after she does it? A day?

Sorry everyone- but just in case you've been lucky enough to escape learning this painful lesson in life - love does not conquer all.
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Stargazer2002, what are your objections? Perhaps some of them could be worked around. But others may be insurmountable. Please share your concerns over this marriage. Would you feel the same way if she didn't have dementia?

Did these people meet before the dementia? What is his health status?

Sorry for all the questions, but it would help us give more focused opinions if we understood the background better.
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Sign here Mom, your money is all tied up in the prenup, and bf has agreed to gjve you all his money and POA.
You will go live in his mansion in the sky, don't worry about a thing.
We will retain your medical POA so if you are ever in a coma, the entire State of Florida won't have to weigh in if he wants you euthanized if he gets another wife and moves on.
Cynical much? Will always remember the Terry Shaivo case.....
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You would need guardianship but why bother them if they happen to be truly happy together? Would you want to be separated and cut off from the love of your life? Leave them alone if they are truly happy and let them marry if this is truly meant to be
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