My sister lives close to Mom who has dementia. Sister has POA, and health care directive. She has spent years gaslighting me with her lies, and destroying my character. And flat out claimed way before Mom ever had a will that she would be in control of everything for Mom one day, not me. When Mom finally did get around to doing paperwork, she put me and my sister in charge of her funds. But has since taken me off, obviously on my sister's advice, and because I won't move near her. what quit my job sell my house, and have no income to support myself so I can live near her and beg them for help? Mom does not believe the sister has spent years threatening me to have me arrested if I ever try to nosy in what she is doing as POA. Even though Mom says she is not hiding anything and I can have the information and view her bank records. My sister claims I will never see a copy of mom's will EVER, or be allowed to go to probate, or EVER make any decision on anything. I am divorced now and have no other support than myself. I work and live over an hour away in good traffic. I will never move next to the narcissistic abusive sister. She is also the worst choice of handling mom's money as she can never pay her own bills on time. Has horrible credit and is an overspender. She claims she is keeping receipts for everything she does for mom, which is all overbloated, and she will be billing at 175.00 per hour. Mom would NEVER agree to that price and thinks she should not have to pay her anything. So obviously there is a disagreement between Mom and the sister. Mom babysat for her for nine years for free. All of a sudden Mom is getting more dimented, and now the sister is doing all sorts of cosmetic upgrades to Mom's house, some are needed repairs, but mostly not. She has taken money from Mom's accounts and transferred some to other places. She took money out of Mom's account to pay for her daughter's legal trouble. And supposedly paid it back after Mom and I got copies of the withdrawals. (now my sister and brother both don't want to talk to me, why, because I know what they are up to?) My sister has my brother in her back pocket. They are ganging up on me, they both are refusing to answer any questions, they never include me in anything period. This was my sister's narcissistic way of gaining control of Mom over the years. Treat me like I am not welcome, knowing Mom would call and bug the Heck out of me about coming to some family event, even though my sister would call and say things like " oh, are you coming, do you plan on eating? Oh, I have to go get more food". Then when you say H.. No not coming and putting up with this abuse, the sister then claims you have no interest in being a part of the family, and have no right to even have a conversation with her now that she is in full blown control. The sister is divorced three times, has about a 200 credit score and struggles to keep up with her own bills which are way to high for her living situation. Mom cannot afford to pay the sister's monthly expenses at over 5k. question is how much would be typical for the sister to be paid for helping out mom. She goes to grocery once a week, takes her to doctors, pays her bills, and handles all money (which she does because as stated above she has abused everyone to make sure she was in control), and checks on her daily. Which she has always done anyway since they live on the same street pretty much. Even if Mom agreed to pay her some money every month it would never be the 5k my sister needs to pay her overhead. Mom would be broke very quick. Mom can pay her probably 500 a month from her social security and other small income she has coming in. So as not to have to go into savings. However, my sister thinks she will be gettng it ALL and for all I know already has deed prepared with mom's signature for when the time comes. She has literally been planning this financial event for years. she has no way to retire without Mom. And frankly neither do I now that I am divorced.
There is no way I can live near this narcissistic sister who is always threatening to have me arrested and put in mental institute just like she did her own daughter. Why do I have to bear the responsibility for not living near Mom. There will obviously not be any assets left no matter what. And according to my sister I will be arrested (under false, and contrived abusive lies) rather than ever be able to have any knowledge of what she is doing with mom's assets. This has put a damper on my relationship with Mom as I finding it hard to have any respect for her as a mother for denying this abuse is taking place. Personally I believe she would rather tell me no, than tell her No. And pretend the sibling abuse is not happening. because Mom says the abusive sister has never told her anything like that is going on. Like asking the wolf if they have been in the hen house. I am just confused as to why it is my fault for years of narcissistic abuse from my sister. And why should my sister financially benefit from the abuse