Do I have to be the one responsible for my Mom?

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My mother has been mentally disabled since I was 9, I am now 45. She was struck by a drunk driver and left with severe brain damage. I avoided child protective services taking me from her my entire childhood. She has never been a mother to me, but more a someone I felt the need to care for. A couple years ago it was clear that she needed to be placed in a home. She suffered a stroke and mentally can no longer care for herself. Her short term memory is non existent. Long story short, she is very young (65), and relatively healthy. She has many more years ahead of her. Brain injury patience are difficult, bad behavior, anger, paranoid etc. Her assisted living home is going out of business and no one will take her, as she is on state assistance. I have been told today that I have to find a home for her or she must live with me. If I don't, they say that have they will call a cab, deliver her to my address and I will face state charges for from APS (adult protective services). No home wants her...she is very difficult, and state funded homes don't have to take anyone they don't want to. This may sound callus, but I have given my life to this person, paid her bills,cared for her, etc. Mentally, emotionally, I am done. I want to enjoy some part of my life, or go on a vacation. I have children and I husband of my own that have always taken a back seat to our situation and been happy to do it. I am not her legal guardian, that I know of...the state has a lot of paper work, but I never recall claiming to be her guardian, I have never filed any paper work with the courts to do so. Do I have any rights? I did not sign up for this. 35 years is a long time to be a caregiver. Can anyone help?

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Nevada's mental health system has been putting some discharged patients on a bus and sent out of state. This has been happening for a long time
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My husband's uncle was a WWII disabled vet. He was given a frontal lobotomy as treatment for "shell shock" (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and was never sane after that. They would regularly send him home to his brother's (my husband's dad's) house in a cab. This was years ago (up until the 1980s) and I think it was the VA Hospital that did it. When they got overcrowded, they would send patients to the homes of the nearest of kin. Good luck.
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I agree that they can not just throw your mother out in a cab. So sorry for your troubles. Do you have a senior center in your home town? They may be able to guide you with the legalities with placing your mom in a long term care facilitie/ nursing home. Best of luck to you!!!
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How many other patients are being tossed to the curb? Good grief I would be calling the governor, my congressman/senator and the White House if I had to. Make those calls, they can't do this to her or to you.
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I don't believe they can require that you care for a parent. Check the law in your state to make sure. You have gone above any beyond in your young life.
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It sounds to me as though you need a lawyer well versed in disabilities rather than elder care. Click on the legal serviced tab on this forum.
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Your mom is very fortunate to have had you on her side for all of these years. And of course you want and need your own life and a life with your own family. You should have that.

I agree with the above suggestions. A lawyer would be your best bet at this time and I highly doubt that the home where your mom is now can put her in a cab and direct the cab to your house. Talk about neglect! And they say YOU would be in trouble!?
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Thank you for that,,,it really does mean a lot. Its not my mothers fault. I know this I just am so tired. I think you are right, its time to contact an attorney. You're kind words and heart have really put a smile on my face and given me some hope. I truly appreciate your kindness.
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Bless your heart for being such a dutiful daughter. I have no answer for you; however, there are plenty of knowledgeable people on this forum with great advice and info. Just be a little patient at this hour. I don't believe there is any situation at least 3 or 4 people haven't experienced.

My only suggestions would be to contact a lawyer experienced in elder care and social services for your area or state. I know there is a process to turn guardianship of adults over to the state. You might try on online search for that. Good luck.
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Of course you have rights. Perhaps it is time to consult an attorney specializing in Elder Law to be sure your rights are safeguarded.

Even in states that have fiduciary laws they do not require a child to allow the parent to live in the child's house.

I am so very, very sorry for the tragic car accident that left your mother in this condition. I am so sorry that after that point you did not have a mother to nurture and guide you. This is Not Your Mother's Fault. It is also Not Your Fault. You have given of yourself for many years. Continue to love her, and after the state finds a suitable home for her, continue to advocate on her behalf. Don't think of abandoning her. But now it is time to turn your attention to your own family, and your own needs and health.

See a lawyer.
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