This is in regards to aging and declining inlaws and a husband who is scared and was in firm denial until a year ago. FIL has what may be dementia. MIL was in denial and hiding it (even normalizing weird and unhealthy behavior) until very recently.
I was raised in a family that had no healthy respect for boundaries. For my child's, spouse's, and my own safety, most of my relatives are not in our lives any more because of this. In my family of origin, how it worked was you either let people stomp on you or you bullied others to get things done.
I don't want that relationship with my husband and his parents, but so far I'm the only person who seems to realize what a serious situation they are in and who actually is trying to take action about it. So I'm very nervous about taking this on, but it seems like I don't have a choice...unless I want to turn away and let something horrible happen (BTDT—my grandma died horribly of a stress-induced stroke—never again).
The thing is I worry I will take over this too much. I don't want to take away my husband's and his parents' power to make choices for themselves (quite the opposite), and I want to make sure I take time for self care as well. Right now, they need someone to help them get over the first hurdle of denial and start to bring in outside helpers.
How can I do that without burning out from a self-induced self-reflective anxiety?
What helps you be calm, communicate well, and keep others' feelings in perspective (while still being realistic)?