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I am 24/7 bathing, meals, diaper changes, meds, errands, bill pays, I do it all. I have taken care of dad 24/7 since7/013. I am now POA with reasonable compensation clause. Dad can only feed himself since June. I don't sleep at night because he pushes the button for snacks and liquids. Every area of his life minus feeding himself is done by me. He can't walk, bathe or anything and I give meds through the night as well, service his car, pay bills, take to the doctors visits when he's able and coordinate all medical care. I do laundry 4 times a day because he is incontnent. I have no income and can not work because he has taken all my time since 7/2013. How does POA get reimbursed this for this?

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Llama you have caregiver burnout? Caregiving our folks is very difficult dealing with the same things over and over and over, then add to it them repeating over and over and over the same questions because they do not remember from one moment to the next what you have said, or what they have said themselves.
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richamj: I left my Maryland home and had to live with my mother in her Massachusetts home, where she chose to live alone. Way ahead of you-reverse mortgage, NH's, AL's, home health care, medical eval and possible Medicaid-all of which I tried in a 4-month period. And yes, it's called caregiving burnout.
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Llamalover47: I was directly answering the original poster's question and providing general suggestions to her about how she could get paid. The original poster didn't state anything about how much money the father has, so it's unknown if he could afford to help out financially or not.

If someone has a "pauper" parent, then they should definitely be looking into their state's Medicaid programs for either in-home care or long-term care in a facility. If a parent is very low income, they might be able to get the care they need and not have to pay a dime for it. The family member could potentially be paid by the state to care for the family member.
Conversely, some people do have enough income that they can pay a family member privately in exchange for care. Unfortunately, there aren't many options for care other than Medicaid unless someone can afford to pay for care. I don't think that a family member, as in this caregiver's situation, should be expected to give up their own lives. income and health to provide the level of heavy, 24/7 care this caregiver is providing. It's just not healthy and sustainable for one person to do all of that. Yes, our parents raised us and provided for us, but raising a child is a whole different situation than caring for an elderly, ailing parent.
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richamj: What if you have a "pauper" parent? My mother was barely making ends meet! There was no way I was taking ANY OF HER MONEY for providing care for her! My goodness! Really? And lifeexperiences-kudos to your post!
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As a professional who works with Family Caregivers, I always worry when a caregiver provides 24/7 care. Even if you do get paid, either by your dad or by the state you're in through a Medicaid in-home personal care program, you are still there 24/7, without any help in sight. I would really recommend looking into whether your state has a Family Caregiver Support Program- a program like this can provide extra support for you with possible services like classes, counseling services, training, support groups, respite care... each program varies, so I'd really recommend looking into what your area has to offer.

So, what I'm seeing is that you have a few options to consider:
1. Arrange for dad to pay you for the care you are doing- there have been several responses here with great advice, such as seeking the help of an attorney to write up a care contract. This option is not ideal, because although you'd be getting some income for all the work you're doing, it's not giving you any practical, day-to-day help or any breaks.
2. Help dad hire a home care agency caregiver or individual to come in at least for a few hours per day, or several hours per week. You deserve a break!
3. Look into your state's programs for long-term care. Many states have programs that can provide care in the home, either with a state-paid caregiver, agency or an approved family member, such as yourself (must pass background check and obtain a certain level of training).
3. Look into options for long-term-care placement. It seems as though your dad's care is getting very intense and overwhelming, and at some point you just cannot be expected to provide a nursing-home level of care in your own home without any help. This is why 40% of caregivers die before their care receivers do. I'm unfortunately not exaggerating when I say this situation could LITERALLY be killing you!
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This has been a hot topic many times as of recent. How are you going to get money out of a pauper parent? Answer=you won't AND shouldn't!
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I am married to one who has had a lot of health issues and with vascular dementia she needs more then I can give alone in the independant living location. She wanted to more to ALF last October. Since losing my professional license she is cared for by me as a caregiver advocate. I take her to all of her appointments and take care of all the finances. SO, doing this alone is almost more then one person can do. I have a hobby so that is helpful and the wood shop is just across the driveway from where she lives. No family here to support me except by phone. Each person has to make their own decisions with God's guidance. We have done that and generally are pleased to know that she is well cared for.
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If you did pay yourself you would have to claim this as income and file quarterlies with the IRS along with the state you live in. I know a friend who doesn't pay herself (has POA and DPOA) because of this, however ANY expense to alter the house they live in to make it safe for the parent is paid for by the parent. Install a handrail, changed a passage doorknob with an entrance locking one (to the basement). She also charges her a portion of what can be called room and board - for her it is only $200. per month. If you are covering more than half of their living expenses you may be able to claim your father as a dependent on you taxes; she does so with her mother. If you drive you father to the appointments you may want to either log that mileage and deduct or fill up the tank every so often on your father's dime. It is not fair that you take on the financial burden on top of the caregiving burden. Consult an elder care lawyer. Good luck.
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In addition to the advice already provided, you should also consider contacting your local Office for the Aging and/or Disability Resource Center. Under certain circumstances, Medicaid and other sources of funding for in-home services can pay for what is called "consumer-directed" home care. This allows the care recipient to hire their own aid, and in some states, children who are unable to work because they are caring for their parent are eligible to be paid through these sources. If your father is not on Medicaid, you may still be able to get some relief, as the Older Americans Act provides some funding to support caregivers.
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Your kindness is soo appreciated, your advice is too.
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Caregiverhelp, frequflyer is right on. You will get exhausted and resentful if you aren't already. Even the professional CNA helpers will only work in shifts with days off in between. My sister helps me with both my parents now, and a CNA, and I still have so many demands on me. At least I can delegate dad's bathing and toileting. It's hard to change the routine and train someone who never stays very long because it's hard work and my mom is mean. Hard to find the time to deal with all the legal issues. Best wishes to you and your husband.
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Caregiverhelp...wow ur one of the lucky few...ur dad has money to put him in in a nice facility! Everyone feels guilty...but ur life will be nonexistent soon! You say your married...you wont be soon! Take care of yourself and let ur dads money pay for his care....asap!!
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Thanks for your answers, Elder Law is a good web site that gives indepth answers from lawyers. I would refer you to them for legal answers and even attorney phone numbers and contacts. Thanks
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CaregiverHelp, getting paid is not going to remedy your exhaustion.

If your Dad can pay you, then he can pay a professional full-time care-giver to help out 1 or 2 shifts. Either he or you hire someone, or decide that Dad needs another layer of care that only a continuing care facility can give.

You need to do what is best for you, and what is best for your Dad.
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It says I am eligible reasonable reimbursement or compensation for services, and it was durable so it was immediately effective. I haven't charged him anything but I think you were asking a question. I am waiting to hear back from Elder Law attorney. No he doesn't have to be incapacitated per the document.
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Does the POA state specifically what anount you can pay yourself? Or does it state what is reasonable? Then do you charge him a caregiver wage or a geriatric care manager wage? That is quite a big difference! Does the POA require his incapacity before it goes into effect? If so you will need letters from two doctors stating such.
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I appreciate that. As I have never taken a dime and have receipts for all I do I am covered. I only buy stuff for him and keep all receipts, I am not going through any unfair scrutiny. I know people are out there who think like that. Receipts and bank statements don't lie (smiles). I only looked at the rates that were given by agencies like personal attendants and home health aids. I have no figures and never compensated myself a dime, not in three years or even yet after the decline in health. I have been in contact with elder law. People don't trust people with POA in general. With him being in the hospital and almost dying three times, I had to have a POA to manage business affairs. You can't do any business without POA.
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Looks like dad is competent. He must be a party to any agreement if that is the case.
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Caregiver, you must not negotiate with yourself to determine what you will be paid. Get the attorney that prepared your dad's douments to negotiate with you. Talk to him first, he will probably suggest someone come in to do a geriatric assessment on your dad to determine level of care needed. Then attorney will prepare a care agreement. Just follow the appropriate steps so you do not end up in a situation of financial exploitation being suspected. Watch your back and think about how this might appear to the most vindictive sorts of people!
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Dad has money, I never asked him. He doesn't even thank my husband for three years of rent free, living in a plush gated community. He is very spoiled by himself and me. I am responsible for spoiling him, but now the intense incontinence on top of the other around the clock duties since June are too exhausting. No my relatives are out of state and my husband commutes so I am the only care giver. I am looking at nursing homes, emotionally I am not sure how I will feel, or him? Emotionally this is not easy. My being compensated as POA was only a question as he can help financially or offer but never does.
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Also if your dad was a Veteran during any time of war (even 1 day while in the states counts) then he may be eligible for care benefits as well. There are income requirements etc. but it's fairly substantial (like up to $1700/mo or so depending on the medical expense and his income/assets).
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Your dad pays you. If he can afford to, then you need to put together a care contract. If he can't afford to pay you, then you should look at Medicaid and full-time custodial care for him; I.e., a nursing home.

If he can do nothing for himself but feed himself, I can't even IMAGINE how one person could take care of him. Impossible, in my opinion.

Get rid of that button at night. He won't even get that attention in a nursing home.
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