I think this is the correct place to put my question . I understand what you feel as main caregiver, I have a sister that is the main caregiver, and I told her that I recognize the work she does, and I help her as much as I can .... but I do not know what else to do... I do not see my self bathing my mother (I am the son) or helping her with toileting problems ... I did it with my father before he died and I never had a problem. well, may be I need to see a psychologist to over come that. I need your point of view .. how can I help better. I drive all weekends (sat n Sun) 35 miles (each way) to pick my mom .. and take care around ... lunch, dinner, around the city .. so she can be distracted. when my sister needs to go on vacations ... I stay with mom. .... when ever she asked me to be there I am .. my only request is to give me some head up time .. to make my plans (work or other ) ... well .. She says that she does not have to be calling me to request time, when she goes on vacation ... she never wants to tell me her return day, because .. "I do have to report to anyone" ... She live with my mom for 4 yrs and only the last 2 is when mom start to be a challenge... her argument: " I already paid my dues .." ( I kept my mouth closed) She complains about her free time ( take care of Mother Sat n Sun).. but I work 5 days and my only 2 free days I use them to help her with my mom, I have no issue. and Last ... last time we talked when I said what else can I do to help her, she almost have a heart attach : "YOU DO NOT HELP ME, it is your obligation " :( ... And ladies .. here is why I post here: ... I did ask straight her " why are you so mad at me " and for the first time and only time "she said... you dump all this to me" but when my dad died, she asked my mom to move with her ... and now that mom has became a challenge (less than 2 yrs) I am to blame. .. oh well... I love family I told my sister: lets convince MOM to go to a retirement home ... but she says: "it is not my problem you decide" ... I think is a share decision (and also MOM should have an opinion, if she can). I cannot have my mom with me, I do not have the space .. my wife's mom is already living with us and she is also very old ... and I do travel 30 % as part of my work ... Am I really such a bad brother? what else I can do so she does not feel that neglected. Just looking for an honest and external opinion.. Thanks !!!