Can we be forced to continued taking care of her?

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I am 19 years old, and my mother (44) has been taking care of my grandmother for 8 years now. She is 100% care, and is nearly bedridden. She cannot walk without assitance, or even get out of bed by herself. The most she can do is move her feet as you hold her up to "walk" her to her wheel chair. Our house is not wheel chair friendly or accessible. My aunt refuses to help take care of her, and even tells my mother she needs to quit her job to take care of my grandmother full time instead of having "wasted" her time going to college. I was never taught how to correctly lift my grandmother, and by the time I had learned I had already damaged my back permanently. I cannot ever get a job now because I have too many back problems. I am my grandmother's full time nurse, and I take care of her 12 hours while my mom works, and whenever my mother sleeps which is usually about 8-9 hours. I only sleep when my mom is home and not sleeping. My grandmother has dementia, and has recently started starving herself. Even if we sit down and try to feed her, we still have to beg her to eat even a few bites. She is diabetic, but she is fully convinced that she does not need to eat every day (she says it everyday).
My question is this: Me and my mother decided it would be better for her and us if she went into a nursing home. We do not have the skills nor the equipment to take care of her. She says she will NOT go into a nursing home, and my aunt says she will take us to court if we try to put her in one. The thing is though, my aunt refuses to help take care of her, and wants to force my mom to quit her job, and me never go to college so that we can take care of her full time until she passes away. Can we really be forced to take care of her? I would love to keep caring for her, but I don't have the ability, or skills to do so; I'm not a nurse! I still lift her everyday despite my doctors telling me I need to stop, and I am up all day and night with her. I feel trapped, and as selfish as it is to say it, I want to be able to live my life. I've given up my life since I was 12 to help take care of her. My mother and I really believe she would do much better in a nice nursing home, but my aunt said she will take us to court if we tried. Can she really force us to keep doing this even if it is taking mental and physical damage on us?

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Does anyone have POA and Medical POA for your grandmother? If it is your mom, she can make the decisions. If it is your aunt, tell her to make arrangements for grandma's care because you and your mom are done. As others have said, the court threat is groundless. No one can force you to provide care. Talk to grandma's doctor to get the ball rolling on a facility placement.
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I completely agree with everyone. No, your aunt can't force you and your mom to care for your grandmother. Not in any way, shape, or form. In addition, since your aunt doesn't even have anything to do with the day to day caregiving of your grandma she shouldn't even get a say in what you and your mom decide although your mom may want to include her for the sake of family harmony.

You are way to young to be saddled with this situation. Focus on school. Help your mom if you'd like to but school needs to be your first priority.

I am also curious about the living arrangements. Do you and your mom live with your grandma or does your grandma live with you and your mom?
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OMG.. you are 19 with a bad back and caring for a grandmother with dementia and incapacitated? You are not being selfish to want your own life!!

Yea.. right your aunt taking you to court. I can just imagine her explaining to the judge that she wants a 19 year old and even your mom at 44 to give up their lives to become 24/7 caretakers to your grandmother. Now that would be something to see!

Your grandma needs to be somewhere with 24/7 care.. you and your mom need your lives back. I really feel for you .. ((hugs))
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Tell your aunt to go pound sand. She can't do a thing. Your mother needs to tell your grandmother's doctor that she can no longer take care of your grandmother. He will get the wheels in motion to place her in a long term care facility. You two are prisoners in your own home. You love your grandmother, but you can't sacrifice your life for her. If your aunt is so concerned, she can sacrifice her life. You and mom need to get going on this. You can do this.
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Your Aunt is blowing hot air. You and mom can solve this problem!

Where do you live, as in, who owns the house? What resources exist to pay for NH care? Would grandma qualify for Hospice? Have you and mom talked to grandma's doctor about what level of care she needs?

I have a friend who is completely paralyzed, in a wheel chair, on Oxygen 24/7. She runs a large organization. Goes to work eveyday. Don't let a bad back slow you down.
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Oh, and I meant to say, things may look hopeless now, but they are not. And many people with "bad backs" hold very responsible and meaningful jobs. This situation has already taken up too many years of your life. But it cannot go on forever. You will be able to have a life of your own.
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Of course you cannot be forced to take care of her. Your aunt will take you to court? On what grounds? Hahaha. That is just crazy.

Do you live in your grandmother's house, or did she move in with you? This may make a difference in how you go about changing things, but you definitely have the right to change things.

The job your mother should quit is the job of taking care of her mother without the necessary resources.

Please explain who owns the house, and I'll bet you get a lot of suggestions about what to do next.
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