I am 19 years old, and my mother (44) has been taking care of my grandmother for 8 years now. She is 100% care, and is nearly bedridden. She cannot walk without assitance, or even get out of bed by herself. The most she can do is move her feet as you hold her up to "walk" her to her wheel chair. Our house is not wheel chair friendly or accessible. My aunt refuses to help take care of her, and even tells my mother she needs to quit her job to take care of my grandmother full time instead of having "wasted" her time going to college. I was never taught how to correctly lift my grandmother, and by the time I had learned I had already damaged my back permanently. I cannot ever get a job now because I have too many back problems. I am my grandmother's full time nurse, and I take care of her 12 hours while my mom works, and whenever my mother sleeps which is usually about 8-9 hours. I only sleep when my mom is home and not sleeping. My grandmother has dementia, and has recently started starving herself. Even if we sit down and try to feed her, we still have to beg her to eat even a few bites. She is diabetic, but she is fully convinced that she does not need to eat every day (she says it everyday).
My question is this: Me and my mother decided it would be better for her and us if she went into a nursing home. We do not have the skills nor the equipment to take care of her. She says she will NOT go into a nursing home, and my aunt says she will take us to court if we try to put her in one. The thing is though, my aunt refuses to help take care of her, and wants to force my mom to quit her job, and me never go to college so that we can take care of her full time until she passes away. Can we really be forced to take care of her? I would love to keep caring for her, but I don't have the ability, or skills to do so; I'm not a nurse! I still lift her everyday despite my doctors telling me I need to stop, and I am up all day and night with her. I feel trapped, and as selfish as it is to say it, I want to be able to live my life. I've given up my life since I was 12 to help take care of her. My mother and I really believe she would do much better in a nice nursing home, but my aunt said she will take us to court if we tried. Can she really force us to keep doing this even if it is taking mental and physical damage on us?