Bathroom reeks of urine.

"hubby's sister who will immediately try to convince her mother that she can't live on her own"

Maybe hubby's sister could try to DISCUSS with her mother - rather than convince/tell her.. ? ☺️

Help discuss & find the best fit for her needs. One that also ensures family relationships stay healthy.

When living independantly at home alone becomes too hard there are options.
- Home & independantly managing in-home services.
- Independant living apartment with add-on services.
- Assisted Living facility with services included & managed by staff.

Living with family is an option too.
This can work well for some families but can cause friction, tension & burden in others.

Someone is free to hold the view that family must provide for their elders - provide advice or assistance. Or provide a lot more: a home, the hands-on care, or funds for aides. That's fine.

However, they cannot insist what another person (sibling or not) provides. That's not fine.

Eg someone I know choose to help someone after surgery. OK.
Then assumed otjers could help. Felt entitled to roster on others. Attempted to guilt others.
Not OK.

I just read your response to Barb. Who cares what other relatives think about how you feel?

It’s your house, not hers. If she doesn’t like it then she can add onto her house or buy a bigger home to accommodate her parents.

You have to do what is best for you and your loved ones who are in need of care. It really sounds like they would be better off being cared for in a facility. If money is an issue then they can apply for Medicaid.

Just because their daughter doesn’t have the room to have them move into her home doesn’t mean that you have to allow them to move back into your home.

You just redid your floors and they will need more help as they get older.

So, why not suggest that they move into a facility now. Then everyone gets to visit them as family members instead of caregivers. What do you think?

Best wishes to you and your family.

I would not bring them back to live with you. If one is ready for care then the other maybe able to go with them. Or, stay in the senior apt with some help.

I would say Dad maybe the culprit. After my FIL passed, we found my MIL seemed to be having a problem. My MIL had a highriser toilet seat that BIL installed. She was peeing between the seat and regular toilet. Like straight out instead of down. When she was in Rehab, an aide said she had no idea how my MIL peed all over her slacks when they had been pulled down to her ankles. Never got to investigate the problem because she passed while in Rehab. She will herself to die.
If Moms apt smells like urine, then it maybe up to you to clean it up.
I have a cleaner where u use 1/2 Cup Ammonia, 1/8 cup of vinegar and a qt of water. Mix and put in a spray bottle. I would use an old toothbrush and scrub around the base of the toilet. If not caulked, I may caulk it for easier clean up later. Where the seat is connected to the toilet I would scrub there, you can lift up those clips where the screws are and make sure you got it all. Then wipe down the whole toilet. Using toilet cleaner in the inside and let it sit. The spray should not hurt floors. I had a father who had a problem but would not sit. I find that when my grandsons were learning how to use a toilet standing up, the pee would pool on the sides of the toilet. This cleaning should be done everyday once you clean it up well. You don't say how old ur in-laws are but if they can live on their own they can clean up their mess. This cleaner can be cut in half. Very inexpensive.

If one of them goes to a Nursing Home, that doesn't equate to the other moving in with you.

Have you explored other care options?

I’m guessing no one told you that what you are signing up for when they live with you is that you have to: go in the bathroom with them, seat them, walk them through whatever they are doing, get them up, wipe them afterwards and perhaps spray their parts down when they were sitting, put their clothes back on, wash their hands, walk them out and get them seated. THEN you were supposed to go back in there, mop and wipe down all the baseboards and clean up.

If you can’t commit do doing that every time then you had no business keeping them at your house. (I’m not trying to be mean, you seriously are trying to say you had no idea that urine was all over the floor in your house? And you didn’t clean up in the bathroom multiple times a day?)

Caregiving at home is no joke. YOU are the worker. YOU are the aide, You are the maid.

Your mother also goes to a nursing home when their assisted living situation comes to an end.

Here is my suggestion. Do t have them back.

"My in-laws finally live on their own, but I foresee them coming back to my home. Once they left we replaced the bathroom floor. The wood was soaked with urine. Their new apartment smells like urine. I don't want that to happen again."

When and why did they live with you? And why did they leave? Do you really want them coming back to live with you again?

Welcome, InlawCaregiving!

The fact they make a mess in the bathroom would seem to me to be an indication that they (or one of them) shouldn't be using the toilet unsupervised.

Tile floors don't absorb urine. That might be a better choice for bathroom flooring.

If/when they move back in with you, be prepared to accompany them each time they use your bathroom. If they have mobility issues, a frame around the toilet might help.

I'm thinking wet floors = falls hazzard.

What kind of cleaning services or personal care help do they have?

Mobility problems, stiffness, pain can all make getting to the bathroom in time harder & managing clothing adequately a real challenge.

Maybe some input from an OT could help with equipment? Eg over toilet seat with handles & attached splash guard rim?