Bathroom in memory care.

She will be Lucky if anyone wipes her to be honest they are understaffed and Under Paid so she will be Lucky If any One does this job .

My mom delivered all of us with a ‘male’ doctor. No problems then because she didn’t have any other choice.

For some unknown reason she became extremely modest around men. That generation in general were very modest.

I still remember her telling me not to bend over in my micro mini skirt as a teenager! LOL 😝 She wasn’t a prude and allowed me to wear what I chose but told me to stoop to pick up something off the floor.

It is funny that my mother’s rehabilitation facility in a nursing home had a male DON and a woman doctor. Mom kept calling him the doctor and the doctor the nurse. 🤣

I apologized for mom’s assumptions and they both laughed saying that it happened all the time with the old people in rehab. Old people are set in their ways.

Ironically, mom asked me to find a female doctor when the older male doctor retired.

I hope that your mom will adjust to her memory care, no matter who brings her to the bathroom.

Dementia or not, your Mom does not want a male aid she does not have to have one. Mom was in ER one time and started screaming. I went into the room and a male nurse was trying to undress her. I told him "sorry, but she does not like men. She needs a female nurse" To tell u the truth, I wouldn't want a male nurse or aid.

Preferences are just that, preferences. There is no law obligating a facility to provide a specific caregiver to your mother because of her preference. If all they have on hand is a male caregiver at her time of need, that's who goes to help her. Because I imagine if she were kept waiting an hour or more to be cleaned for a female CG to become available, you'd be writing another post about the legalities of keeping her waiting that long.

No Memory Care Assisted Living facility is going to be perfect or take every residents preference into consideration. They do their best, however, and as long as their major needs are cared for properly, that's the main thing. Pick your battles lest they ALL become battles.

I'm not sure what you mean by saying, "Before anyone says that maybe they only have male techs on that shift, wouldn't that open the door to even a bigger issue." ??? My stepson has been an extraordinary caregiver to elders in AL and SNF settings for a decade now. Caregiving is no longer "women's work" and there were quite a few men at my mother's MC. I liked them a lot bc they were better equipped to deal with a 190 lb human than anyone else.

Ask for or expect a care conference at least quarterly to review moms care plan and updates with staff. Ask for a review now if you have questions or concerns. Complaining from loved ones tends to be a chronic thing with dementia, as it was for my mother. She complained daily the food portions "weren't enough to fill a cavity" yet she was steadily gaining weight while living in Memory Care Assisted Living for just under 3 years! She weighed 190 lbs and was in no danger of starving.

Good luck to you and mom adjusting to MC.

Certainly, ask about 1) what is actually happening 2) if it has been a male , is it possible to request a female for a) some of the time, or b) all of the time.

As others said, it is possible for some shifts that there are only male staff there. Although, to me that would be unusual from what I have seen. In tours of AL and MC I have done, it seems there are always at least some women staff around. If they have both MC and AL, can they have a female staff from the AL come over to your mom when needed? there may be some options that management can finagle.

I've been debating moving my dad from the AL he is currently at to another one. However then, based largely on advice on this forum, I decided to mention all of my concerns to senior management and give them a chance to try to make the imnprovements....

Ask. If its just not possible for them to provide, and its a deal breaker to mom and you, then you could consider moving to a different MC that can gurantee a female caregiver for toileting/ bathing.

TT to the admin before you make assumptions, people with dementia say all kinds of untruths, not intentionally, their brains are just broken.

At this point you don't know who is taking her to the bathroom. Find out before you leap to conclusions.

My step-mother in MC just told me that she had not been in her room for 2 weeks, of course that was not true,

This, of course, along with most of your other questions (and it's normal to have them when your mom is new to memory care) is for the facility to answer. In all truth, there may be shifts when only male personnel are there. And that's just the way it is. In medical we have many women caring for men and men caring for women. People seem not to care when they are women and their doctor is a male, exploring their most private areas, but do not feel the same about nursing staff.

Again, gather together your questions and make a visit to the admins. They will welcome your open questions and know you are a caring family in search of knowledge. Good luck.