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Except for the reason my brother makes up. My brother and sister (and I use those terms loosely - I don't know how I could possibly be related to such nasty without souls human beings) have POA over my mom. My mom is in a locked floor of a horrible facility. They have banned me from seeing my mother. They say I "frazzle" her. This is totally untrue. They are abusing their POA and basically just waiting for her to die. They have killed her little dog, taken eveything from her home; written checks to themselves; and are just plain horrible, cruel self-centered people - vultures circling. I once had POA and had my mom in a very nice facility. They managed to get her out of the facility and back into her home (which was totally unsafe). My other brother, who is an alcoholic and drug addict was the one taking care of her. He is no better than the other two siblings. He threatened to kill me and the police would not put a restraining order on him. I was eventually taken out of mom's will and out of her life through lies and threats. To me it is not about the money; it is about being able to see my mom. This is so sad and so wrong. The nursing home won't allow me in and the brother (POA) threatened me that if I came by the nursing home, he would file a restraining order on me and he told the nursing home to call the police and have me arrested if I ever showed up. This is wrong and ever so cruel. God knows I am good and have always been in the right; but I am afraid of all of them. They are just mean, souless, vindictive, selfish beings. I have contacted several attorneys, but all they want is money I cannot afford to pay. It seems like there is no one else to call. The police cannot give me an answer; I can't find an advocate to help me in this situation. The last thing my mom said to me when the nurse (CNA) kicked me out was "that damn 'Bobby' "- the one with the POA. I tried to talk to the director of the home and the social worker; but they didn't care either....their response "work it out with you brother or sister"; "they only want the best for your mom". This is such a pile of lies - they only want her money. This is why she is in such a horrible depressing place with NO stimulation. It is the best way to ensure, they will inherit more money in the end. So sad, so pathetic. I will not speak to any of them. They are so mean and threatening. Any direction you can give or phone # to call would be greatly appreciated. My mom is 91 years old and has some dementia. I am sure by now they have convinced her I don't want to see her. This is so not true. I am saddened to the core; and rely on my faith to keep my spirits up. There is so much more to this story; but so difficult to tell.

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To MilitaryRetired,

EVEN if that's true, and you DON'T KNOW that it is, how is that kind of Hit and Run answer helpful do the questioner in any way?

What were you, a comandante or a drill sergeant or something?

Does making someone else feel bad make you feel good about yourself?

Sheesh...
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Melodramatic and extremely disfunctional.
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I'm so sorry to hear you have evil relatives & how they are treating you & your mom.
But how did they kill your moms dog?
Did they take have some quack vet out the dog down??
I say "quack" because 99% of vets will not put an animal down unless it is terminal and/or viscous.
For killing the dog, that right there tells me these people are nasty %#€£€#€!
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heartbroken3, reading your story was like taking a page out of my own book. There comes a point when the cost of chasing justice and trying to change the behavior of your "bio-sibs" becomes too much. I have been through it all--bankrupted myself getting my own lawyer, petitions to courts that don't care, and people motivated by greed and selfishness. This will hurt--Perhaps it is time to let your mother go. You did what was humanly possible, and that has to be enough. I became physically ill fighting a fight I was never meant to win. Cherish your memories, as that may be all you're left with in the end. If you absolutely must take it further, contact Adult Protective Services and file an elder abuse complaint. In addition, if she has dementia, it is illegal for her to sign documents. This should be a "red flag" in any investigation. Best of luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And good wishes go out to all going through this nightmare.
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They killed her dog???? OMFG.
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Lets hope she doesn't need Medicaid. They will go back five yearsand question payments having nothing to do with her. This may keep her from getting help. Too bad u can't afford a lawyer. They r abusing their POAs.
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for some reason the moderators knocked my initial reply to this thread in the head . i musta been calling the poa 4 letter terms of affection or something .
cant win em all i guess .
you really have to be respectful and non threatening to the NH staff . my cuz threatened to ban me from visiting my aunt but nh staff had already seen very nice interaction between my aunt and i and they kinda foo foo - ed cuz till she mellowed out .
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It sounds as if there is a lot of dysfunction going on within the family. I'm not sure how much it would help, but in some states the Durable Power of Attorney is required to file an Annual Account with the Clerk of Court for the person's estate they are handling. They must provide a list of all expenditures, deposits, bank statements, receipts, etc. This material is examined and you have to prove why the checks were written. They have to be for legitimate expenses. If not, they may get into trouble and be removed from their position. I'd check to see if that is required within your state and if the record is public.
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Today, 3/8/16, I am ready to just give up. One POA (nasty non-brother) got through on my cell phone today. He was blocked from my phone (as he had been sending me mean texts, threats and more). I could have used that as proof, but when I got a new cell phone, all of my texts were wiped clean and could not be recovered! His text said : "if I want to go see mom, I MUST GO THROUGH HIM OR MY NASTY POA SISTER". The POAs are both on a Power Trip! I will not be monitored by a sociopath & pathological liar. Yes, he is one; but I cannot prove that because of the stolen docs (documentation from the psych) out of my mom's (and my former safety deposit box). I am not being stubborn, but there is no way I am going to speak with either one of these liars, thieves, and a bunch of other adjectives to describe them. I am an educated adult, but apparently not street wise or cruel enough. The dumb non-brother POA never even graduated high school, but claims in his Linkedin profile, he graduated from the U of M - gosh, how did he do that without even a high school diploma - amazing. He also has two biological kids he abandoned; used mom's money to pay the IRS in backtaxes, scammed I don't know how many people. I can't believe he is not locked up! Sorry, I'm just venting! They have completely put me through h*ll and I am not going to let them continue this abuse on me, too. They got EVERYTHING they wanted. They make me sick - literally. I will not have a stroke over them, I have my wonderful boys and husband to live for. Thank you, everyone, for supporting me. I just mentally cannot take this anymore. At least, the last thing I said to my mom was that I love her. If she had just believed I was the one who only wanted to protect her and do the best for her, none of this would have ever happened. But, she didn't and I have long since forgiven her for that mistake; I even prayed for the crazies who did all of this to her and are still at it. But this is just all too much. The ombudsman I tried to contact was of absolutely no use. I need a zillion hugs. Thanks, again, all you wonderful strangers!
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to help you: get the bank & account number of the bank where your mom's accounts are-this will help DCF in their investigation. Anything that you have of proof of what they are doing, which is considered elder abuse by the way, give it to them or make copies & give them. If you have your mom's social security number this helps too....I was told that all the children can have POA, that is to keep a system of checks & balances on your mom's financial state-Now i know some states are different, so you would have to just consult w/an attorney in your state-that will not cost much. I would still send a letter to your mom anyway.
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Is there anything holding you back from contacting adult protective services about the abuse and exploitation? Do you have enough hard evidence?
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I agree with bewildered.
Showing up in person is going to show you mean business and actions may be faster.
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I feel for you. The same thing happened to me. All the ideas are good, calling ombudsman ect. Also, call DCF, tell them what is going on w/your mother & siblings or better yet go down there in person to file a complaint as well. They will begin an investigation into the misappropriation of funds, changing will when she has dementia & your not being able to see her. You can also call the sheriff's dept. & ask them for help. They may have some ideas for you or can escort you into the nursing home. You might be able to get a court order that strikes what the POA said, i don't know? I think the idea of sending a letter is a great one, do not put your own address on it, use someone else's name!!. If you still have the POA that you originally had, you could use that to show you have POA over your mother--as far as i know, if your brother went for POA when you still had it, that is illegal-you need to talk to an attorney or legal assistance.
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You need to contact your local long-term care ombudsman. This person works solely for the resident. If the facility does not have that information posted, you can contact your state department unit on aging and they can get that information for you.
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I think you should get a social worker involved. These nasty human beings', if they can even be classified as that, behavior patterns must CEASE!
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I read your story and I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to here this!!!! Its totally outrageous. It just sickens me to here story's like this, I have heard story's about family sitting around waiting for another to die to get the money. I never dreamed it would happen in my family but I find myself in a similar situation as far as comments that have been made about Mom's money. I'm fortunate enough to have my mother with me. Please know you are in my prayers and thoughts, both you and your mother. I wish I had some advice but I don't know what to tell you, I hope you don't give up and I know that is easy to say. My family has made so many nasty comments to me and all I tell them is Mom can't think right so someone has to be her voice if you like it or not. I know my Mom very well and what her thoughts and wishes were have been best friends for years and I refuse to let anyone go against her wishes and believe me they try. Best of luck to you!!!
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To all of you wonderful people who have responded to my situation, I want to give a heartfelt THANK YOU. I am trying to remain faithful that God will handle this and show me what to do next. I am so hurt and saddened by what is happening. I feel my dad is looking down at all of this knowing how hard I have tried. I want to move out of the area where I live, as everyday is a constant reminder. Three out of the four nasty siblings live in the area. The other one lives out of town, just waiting to "collect" her inheritance! It is like I can't go left or go right, without running into one of them (literally, in one case). I am going to get the tag # off the one crazy POA, as everytime I see him on our causeway, he cuts me off with his giant truck. Again, thank you. When people have experienced what I am going through, you know you are not alone and how horrible it is to have to go through. I have the # for an ombudsman. I am hoping to get a hold of her tomorrow. I pray it is not another dead end. I am not eligible for free legal aid, but not well off enough to pay for an attorney....just stuck in the middle!
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So sorry. A POA does not give them a right to spend her money on them or change her will. If she ever needs Medicaid, they will be held accountable for the expense. You could sue for the POA abusing their responsibilty. See if your county has free legal aide.
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Hi, is your Mother in AL or a Nursing Home? I am so sorry for what you are experiencing with your family. My Mother is in AL now and is also 91. I feel alone a lot because I am an only child but what I read on this site about bothers and Sisters I think that I might be better off. Yet I do see some bothers and sisters getting along quite well. Who knows!! I like the idea above about a letter. Do you think that your Mom would open the letter and read it. My Mom is in Memory Care and she would forget to read the letter. Could you get someone to tape a message on a smart phone and then visit her. Hard situation & so sorry.
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Gee, this sounds like what my siblings did to me, however, I took them to court myself (without an attorney) and proved to the judge I was responsible and knew what I was talking about...The judge agreed and I had visitation rights. (Granted I was a nurse and paralegal and knew what to say and do). You could get an ombudsman if you do not feel comfortable filing a brief for the Probate Court (handles family matters), or hire a elder family attorney. The one thing my siblings could not do was break the irrevocable trust my mother had already set up given each of her five children an equal share in her estate. In the end, your mother will die, and you are either going to have to forgive your siblings or not. The choice is up to you. Your mother will still die with dementia and sometimes it is best to remember her as she was BEFORE the disease. My heart knows your pain...
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I understand your feelings. I have a vicious sibling who spreads lies and misery wherever she goes. I don't know what you can do other than hire a lawyer and write a letter as someone suggested.
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Can you write your mom a letter with personal and confidential outside and a fake name and address. They can't screw with federal mail. They must deliver it to her. Just tell her you love her.
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