I'm an only child and my father has no living relatives. He has always been difficult to deal with and has alienated what friends are still living. He no longer remembers his two grandchildren. His female companion of 15 years is a toxic, dysfunctional person. I have tried to get him to leave her alone over the years, but due to being lonely, she is the one person who would indulge his poor behavior. He has always treated her poorly; even now, he once told the staff "I don't wanna talk to that b*tch." When he does talk, it's with no sense of happiness or comfort; he just babbles about whatever delusion he's having at the moment.
He's in a geri-psych ward and there are no phones in the rooms. Recently she called the front desk requesting to speak with him. She was informed their cordless phones were being replaced - she would have to wait or call back. She did so, several times. A nurse put her on hold for apparently too long of a time - mind you the nurses have to take care of the patients and are not always able to immediately run down the patient's room and hand them the phone. His companion yelled at the nurse, filed a grievance with the center, and calls repeatedly every day, demanding to speak with my father, even when he is asleep.
She lies and says she's a family member or that she is his girlfriend. Even when my dad was healthy, he always said they were friends and that's it. He always told her he didn't believe in love like that and no woman would be better for him than my mother was. I can't understand why someone would claim to be someone's girlfriend when that person didn't claim them back.
I don't want her causing problems for the staff. They have been nothing but nice and reassuring and they go to great lengths to care for my dad, whose behavior is at times horrible. But they do their jobs. I am satisfied with his care. She exacerbates his paranoia. She always has. But, she is the only person who would ever call or visit him besides me. I don't think it's worth letting her continue to be involved in his life. She has been nothing but a thorn in my side and in my dad's side as far as I'm concerned. She constantly stirs up drama. I'm worried my contempt for her is driving me to make a decision that is in my best interest, not my dad's. I need advice from an impartial source. I'm already struggling as a single mom to deal with the fallout of him being placed in a nursing home. I live an hour away from his old house and I have to deal with Medicaid applications, Veteran Affairs, his bills and everything else. This woman is useless to me and from what I see brings no pleasure to my dad. He lights up and cheers when I visit. He has no reaction whatsoever when she comes around, unless it's annoyance. She's not a reasonable person in my opinion. I just wish she would leave him alone. Should I step in? I told her when he first went in that I would only allow it if she didn't aggravate him. He's so indifferent to her that's not really aggravation. But she is aggravating to me and his caregivers. Please share your thoughts. The bottom line is his best interest, not mine. What would you do?